Two steps forward, one step back

Old habits are funny aren’t they? Just when you think you’ve got them licked, they slowly, subtly sneak back into your life. I created some pretty kick-arse habits last year; exercising regularly, not drinking booze during the week and only a glass of wine or 2 on weekends, not finishing off the kids meals so as not to “waste” food, only having dessert when it was a real treat; lots of positive self-talk… the list goes on.

Actually, one of the biggest things that I finally intellectualized was that the food will always¬†always be there. I don’t have to have it all now. That was a bit of a turning point for me, and something that I haven’t been saying to myself enough in the last few months.

From the end of November until now, I have celebrated the following:
Chance’s birthday
Our wedding anniversary
Darby’s birthday
Christmas
New Years
My birthday
Quinn’s birthday
A week in Melbourne with Hubs and no kids

And so yeah, what can I say? The odd glass of wine turned into a few cold ciders on a hot summer day or a bottle of bubbly shared with Hubs; the desserts were plentiful, the dishes were rich, and the desire to consume was strong in this one.

I wouldn’t say I fell off the wagon per se, but I have noticed things creeping back into my life that I thought I wouldn’t be doing again, and because of that, pants are feeling tighter, clothes aren’t fitting as nicely, and that number that I really try not to obsess over is making me unhappy.

But. BUT. Oh there’s a but. I am aware, and I certainly haven’t a) gone back to those bad habits in any extreme way (ie I’m not reaching for food when I’m emotional) and b) I’m focusing on how far I have come and celebrating my health and being grateful for it. I’m trying not to panic which is what old me would do, and start reaching for the chocolate/ice cream/name your poison to cope. I refuse to go back to being fat and unfit. I’m not going back there. I’m so sick of starting over so this time I’m NOT quitting. I’m so pleased I have kept up the exercise through all of this – it has been such a saviour for me. I just need to add a few more days of it each week.

Losing weight and getting healthy are words we throw around daily, but it’s in that moment of holding the cake in your hand, or being offered a glass of wine on a Tuesday night, or finishing off the last bits of something so as not to waste it that can really make or break me. And I know from 2 decades of experience in trying to/succeeding to lose weight, that it’s those small decisions¬†every day that make the difference.

When anyone starts on a weight-loss/get healthy journey, and people start noticing, I think it almost makes it harder. It’s like, you know they’re watching you now, and you want to continue with your success as it makes them so happy and proud of you! My sister-in-law made comments along those lines when we hung out over Christmas, and it’s so true.

I’m not here to make any grand statements or affirmations, but just as more of a “hello and I’m struggling a little bit with my body and my brain at the moment but that’s okay because there is a way forward.” I just have to find my sweet spot again.

Bring on the Fit Mums 6 week challenge!!

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