Holy moly I am wiped out. I can’t give you one particular reason as to why I feel absolutely shattered. Of course I can give you about 23 reasons, but today has been a particularly flat day. I have zero energy and have zero f*cks left to give.
Chance had a circumcision yesterday. He had a medical condition that necessitated it, and so we are on the road to recovery. We’ve had a lot of down time today, watching movies and eating junk food. Oh wait, that was the kids. I moped around and made them food for most of the day.
My neck is sore, I am getting more and more wrinkles from frowning every day, my body is letting me down, and I’m letting my body down just as much.
Some days are certainly better than others, and some days are the absolute bloody worst.
I’m tired but I don’t want to sleep.
I’m sad but I don’t want to be cheered up.
I’m exhausted but I don’t want to be told to exercise.
I’m lonely but I don’t want company.
I feel somewhat manic but I don’t want to be sedated.
I’m irritated but I can’t be reasoned with.
I’m angry but I can’t be talked down.
I know drinking wine doesn’t help, but I don’t want to be cut off.
I feel depressed but I don’t want to be (more) medicated.
I’m on the precipice but I don’t want to jump.
I’m fed up but I don’t want to give up.
I’m trying to give myself a break and cut myself some slack and not complain and bang on too much about nothingness, but I also just want to throw my hands in the air and yell “enough!”
Maybe I’m finally about to hit absolute rock-bottom. I feel it’s about time, as I would love to be on my way back up.
But where to find the energy…