Bear with me here.
Aaaaah losing weight. It’s a mission, isn’t it? Well, for some more than others. It can be a lifelong quest, with many ups and downs. Literally. Ever since Hubs and I got together 9 year ago (what the?…) he has never waivered in his admiration of me. Wow that sounds conceited, but it’s true. He thinks I’m beautiful and sexy and lovely. Even at my heaviest, his affections never waned. He just doesn’t see it. He sees me.
What a gift, right? And I do treasure it, I promise.
Whenever I’ve spoken to him about wanting to lose weight, or the latest gym membership I’ve paid for, or the latest class I’ve joined, he has always been encouraging, but never in a way that suggests to me I need to do it for him, or for us. In fact, the only thing he has ever said along these lines is “I believe if you lost weight, you would be happier because you would have more energy to do more with the kids, but it makes no difference to me.” Or words to that effect.
I remember in my late teens, my brother’s then-girlfriend and I attended Weight Watches together. She was wanting to lose about 10kg and I was probably wanting to lose more like 25kg. We would go to our weekly weigh-ins and my number barely budged, while she was losing her 1kg ish per week. I recall saying to my brother one day “I hope you’re being really supportive and encouraging of Deidre’s* weight loss!” (*oh wow, Deidre? Talk about protecting the innocent! Love that name by the way…) He replied to this with a bit of a shrug and a non-committal hmph.
I was so shocked and appalled and felt so bad that my brother was so insensitive! I was 19 after all, and knew all things about all things. Just ask my Dad 🙂
Oh man this is a random post. 2 glasses of wine and a returned husband from the UK will do that to you! Where was I…
Oh yes. My brother. What I realise now, was that he was saying he liked her just the way she is, and if she wanted to lose weight, she was doing it for herself, not to make him love her more. Oh yeah, I was so cluey.
So what’s my point here? I was wearing a denim skirt and “new” (op-shop $4) singlet today, and was feeling particularly svelte (hee hee!) when I went to pick Hubs up from the airport, but nary a comment was made. And that’s fine by me. If I ask him how I look, he will always say beautiful. If I tell him I’ve lost another 2kg, he’ll tell me “that’s great”. But it’s not a big deal, and to be honest, that’s just how I like it. I want to instil that in my kids. A number is just that; it doesn’t define you; it shouldn’t change how happy you are on a certain day. I get that, but sometimes it does.
That’s why I’m so grateful to have a Hubs that loves me from frocked up to completely veged out on the couch. He doesn’t love me in spite of my extra cuddly bits, he loves me because I’m the whole package for him. I guess. Either that, or he really loves my cooking. Which would be fair enough 😉
So my point is, even though I’m losing weight, the only thing Hubs cares about is how happy I am. And if weighing less, and in turn feeling fitter and healthier makes me happy, then he’s on board.