Flashback Friday

April 13, 2018 / Renae / Leave a comment

This photo was taken a year ago, on a work day at 7:11am. “Can I do up your buttons Dadda?”

Already running late for work, Frith would never say no to his kids. No matter how long it took. Gosh I hope the kids remember this stuff. And if not I’m so glad I have these little moments documented.

And just to take the edge off, we were also dealing with head lice. It went on for weeks and weeks and the only effective method was conditioner + combing.

The three kids, (Jules was still tucked away in my tummy) every second day for 10 days. More than once! Friggin nightmare!

An old story

April 10, 2018 / Renae / Leave a comment

This is an old story that I just remembered and wanted to document here.

Just after we moved to Melbourne, (2008!) I had to meet up with someone Frith knew who I’d never met. When we found each other, she told me “I knew it was you. Frith described you as “tall and pretty” and here you are!”

I replied with “really? That doesn’t sound like something he would say?” But she was adamant that that’s how he described me. I was still skeptical but let her think it anyway.

I asked him about it later. “Honey, just out of curiosity, how did you describe me to your friend?”

“Pretty tall…”

Ah. There it is. That was more like it. ❤

10 things on the 10th

April 10, 2018 / Renae / Leave a comment

10 of my favourite things (in no particular order. Except maybe # 1 & 2…)

1. Red wine – Cab Sav or a bold Barossa Shiraz if you don’t mind.

2. Dark chocolate – 70-80%

3. A good book, and having the time to read it – I’m trying to start a new book at the moment and it’s not really happening for me. Hmph.

4. A sleep in – I don’t do afternoon naps, I do sleep-ins. Getting out of bed once a day is enough for me.

5. A well made coffee – Pair this with a nice view and 20 minutes of peace (bahahahaha) to enjoy both, and I’m a happy woman.

6. A good weights work out. I miss my fit mums but have found somewhere to sweat it out down here.

7. Silence.

8. Fast Internet – this was always a high priority whenever we moved house, and I got very used to it!

9. Looking at photos – I (generally) love how Google photos sends me a “this day 1 or 2 or 4 years ago” album a couple of times a week. Obviously some of those photos are hard to look at but they are treasured memories.

10. Blogging. 10 years in July and I’m still here. Loving it, and this year it has been such an important outlet for me.

Worrisome

April 7, 2018 / Renae / Leave a comment

A few years back, Frith and I started asking the kids some questions each night.

“What was your favourite thing about today?”

“What was your least favourite thing about today?”

And more recently,

“Was there anything about today that worried you?”

We would normally do this at dinner time, but as of this year, obviously, it’s been a bit hard to keep on top of our usual routine. And I certainly haven’t had a lot of opportunity to ask these questions of Chance or Quinn on their own.

Tonight, at 8pm, Chance sidled up to me and said he wanted to go to bed. I took him upstairs, he brushed his teeth, and I tucked him in to bed. We had some cuddles and I asked him what his favourite thing about today was.

“uuuuummmmm playing my switch?” (Nintendo)

Whaaaaaat? He had had the day with his uncle Jacques and cousin Josie and his Poppy (Frith’s Dad) mostly in the pool or on the beach! I gave him some curry about it, but realised he was joking a bit as well.

What was his least favourite thing? Nothing. He said “absolutely nothing.”

The third question. “Was there anything about today that worried you?”

Chance: “There was one thing that worried me.”

Oh my gosh. What is it? What’s happened? Did you overhear my talking about Dadda? Has that made you sad? Did someone say something or do something to upset you? Did I upset you? Are you hurting? Is your heart breaking because you miss your Dadda? Tell me. I’m here for you sweetheart. Oh my gosh I want to protect you. I need to protect you. Tell me anything and everything.

All of these thoughts rushed through my head in a second. I asked my boy, my sweet not-so-little boy, what worried him about today.

“I was worried when Darby hurt himself.”

Relief and gratitude and pride and joy swept over me in an instant. Darby had stepped on something sharp near the pool and his toe had bled (a fair bit) just before dinner. (He’s fine now.) I gave Chance the biggest squashy cuddle, just overjoyed at his empathy and concern for his brother, and he started giggling like crazy.

“What are you laughing about?” I asked innocently.

“You squeezed me so hard that I farted!!”

A job well done I’d say.

Flashback Friday

April 6, 2018 / Renae / Leave a comment

This time 2 years ago. Isabelle and Darby.

Us saying goodbye at the airport after another lovely visit.

And this was us today. These girls are gorgeous and generous and kind and helpful and I’m proud to call them my nieces ❤❤❤

A hundred things a day

April 2, 2018 / Renae / Leave a comment

I seem to be going through phases of struggling with particular things. Some of them pass, other times they just get added to the pile of things that are making life harder for me.

In light of recent events, I would have thought that I wouldn’t sweat the small stuff as much; that I would know what was important and what was worth getting upset over. But no. I just get frustrated and annoyed at pretty much everything. All the time.

Other drivers on the road, the kids doing kid things at a glacial speed, or the lady before me in the line at the cafe today who took an age to place her order because she changed her mind 18 times and seemed to order for 18 people, and then, bless her cotton socks, when she went to pay, she wanted to let her two primary-school aged kids use their own money for their food, so she wanted to split the bill.

Give. Me. Strength. It was all I could do not to give an audible sigh of exasperation and storm off in a huff.

I used to tell Frith everything. I would regale him with the most stupid stories when he’d get home from work (like the one above). And if they were particularly note-worthy I would text him during the day to fill him in, or give him a chuckle. I would tell him little anecdotes about the kids and text meaningless crap every single day.

Sometimes he would text back, and if I got a call I knew it was a slow day. If I didn’t hear anything it meant he was in theatre for the day, but I would just keep sending.

It’s been three months and a day, and the stuff I want to tell him keeps piling up.

He was the only one I could tell certain things to without feeling like a horrible human being. He was the one I could make awful inappropriate jokes to and not feel judged. There were so many dumb jokes we had together that only took one word or one look for us to giggle over.

I would bounce ideas off him, and make decisions with him about so many things. He was my go to, every time.

Not having that anymore has left such a void in my life. I have friends I can talk to of course, but you know it’s not the same. I’ve tried writing to him, but you know it’s not the same. I’ve yelled and cried and asked him why, but there is only silence.

I feel like I could burst with all the crap I want to share with him. Sure, he might know it all, looking down from above, but that’s not sharing, is it.

It’s just not the same. And it really sucks.

A happy Easter

April 1, 2018 / Renae / Leave a comment

Gosh what a weekend. I’ll get straight to the photos.

I had a lazy start to good Friday, getting the opportunity to go back to bed for a sleep in (thanks Mum and Dad!) and not emerging until nearly 10am (woooooo!!) After a bit of coffee and colouring,

we then got set to watch the start of the Brisbane to Gladstone yacht race. From the comfort of our balcony. With snacks.

The kids got such a kick out of it!

Darby with his “noculars”

After some yummy lunch and some quiet time, we bundled the kids into the bike pram and scooters and…. headed across the road to “our beach”.

That’s mum and dad’s house up there on the far left. Next to the huge block of units.

So yeah, like I said. Our beach. Jules getting his squat on to build up those quads.

Gosh this kid loves any kind of water!!

And Quinn is never afraid to get a bit of dirt in the skirt! (or boardies in this case)

If Darby has a truck in his hand, the world is good.

And Chance always says he doesn’t want to go to the beach because he doesn’t like the salty water and sand, but once we get there, he’s right into it.

It sometimes feels like a lot of work getting the kids across the road to the beach, but it’s always worth it and they always have an amazing time.

We went for a sleepover at aunty Liesel’s house last night, which included a huge stacks-on, meat cooked on the BBQ, and a Lego hunt this morning, all of which Frith would have been proud of. Not many photos taken, as I just wanted to soak it all up.

Now there is faaaaaaar too much chocolate in the house for my lack of discipline at the moment, so I might take it upstairs for Mum and Dad to watch over. I can’t believe how much chocolate the kids put away today (okay, I can)!!

Even though I’m still finding it hard to find joy in my days, I always see it in my kids. They have fun. Every single day. I know it will come again for me, and in the mean time, I will feel snippets of it through them. They truly are gorgeous, spirited kids and I’m so blessed to call them mine.

Flashback Friday

March 30, 2018 / Renae / Leave a comment

How soon we forget! I was flicking back through some photos and came across this one of Jules in November

and had totally forgotten that he used to stick his tongue out like that! I used to call it his weather beacon. Clearly he has replaced that cute thing with a hundred others, but it’s nice to be reminded of these little memories. Oh my baby.

Wait for it….

March 29, 2018 / Renae / Leave a comment

Oh boy…

I can’t even really give you much context, other than I was recording Jules almost falling asleep while mum feeds him, and Quinn came out with this corker. It’s very hard to discipline your 5-year-old about swearing when you can’t stop laughing.

By the way, the word mum was looking for was osmosis…

You let her go

March 27, 2018 / Renae / 1 Comment

I don’t believe in ghosts. I don’t believe in mediums or psychics. I don’t believe in fortune tellers.

I do believe in God. And I do believe in signs.

I’ve brought my laptop down to my new favourite cafe which is at Woody Point, while my nanny (who is a friend) is at home with the boys. This is the second time I’ve done this. My last two blog posts were written here.

When I arrived, I ordered my standard coffee, which many of you know by now is a small soy cap. It occurred to me that Frith actually put me onto ordering cappuccinos. He always liked to eat the froth and chocolate off the top before hitting up the coffee underneath. He took his time, and he would judge the coffee on the amount and texture of froth.

Our favourite cafe in Wangaratta uses actual chocolate shavings as sprinkles.

This was Frith’s 30th with a very baby Chanbe. See those sprinkles!!??

Anyway my point is, I used to order soy flat whites. And not long after we got together, I changed my coffee order to caps. And funnily enough, my froth was always better than his. He often had froth envy.

I looked on the lunch menu today and saw they had a beef brisket sandwich with caramelized onions on sourdough toast. I’ve just listed three of Frith’s favourite foods, and they are all combined here. He only ever cooked two briskets in his life and they were both the best meals I’ve ever had. Hands down.

One was in Rocky (September 2015)

And one in Cairns just last November.

This is what Frith would have ordered at this cafe, and he wouldn’t have been disappointed in the least. I don’t normally like to order things that I can (and do) make at home (I never order pulled pork because quite frankly mine is the best). I ordered it without a second thought and it was absolutely on par with Frith’s.

But here’s the thing. As the meal was placed on my table, the next song to come on was “Let her go“. When Frith drove our car full of stuff down from Mount Isa to Rocky, this song was on his playlist, and he told me after that trip, that when he heard it, he got really really sad and missed me a lot. It wasn’t often he would say things like this to me. He was very free with “I love yous” and “you’re so pretty” but telling me that he missed me was a rare thing.

It was nice and I always remembered that, especially when I hear that song. So in a way, I had lunch with Frith today. He was with me in spirit. And it was nice.