Author: Renae

Living life as a wife, a stay at home mama of 3 kids under 5, a marriage celebrant, a craft and sewing amateur, a cooked breakfast lover, coffee enthusiast, extroverted socialite, and most recently, someone who is trying to keep a tidy house. It's tough I tell you!

Feeling restless

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I really don’t know what it is right now, but I’m feeling so fidgety and restless. It could be a number of things, like this time of year is so busy for us with Chance’s birthday (tomorrow) and Darby’s birthday (7th Dec) and my Christmas cards that I’ve finished making, but haven’t started writing in. There’s cupcakes to be made and taken to school, there’s cakes, cakes and more cakes to be baked for the party, there’s gifts to be bought, then there’s the usual day-to-day, week-to-week crap to keep on top of.

There are so many “firsts without Frith” coming up in the next month, and then it will have been a year since he left. Just like that. 

I feel like I have eight things to do all the time, and I don’t know which one to start on, so I thought I’d write a blog post. I’ve found it really hard to write on the blog lately, even though there’s plenty to share. I feel like we are all limping in to the end of the year, but once the kids finish school, that’s when work needs to be done on the house, and stuff needs to be moved in!

Maybe I’m a little apprehensive about the move, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. I guess it’s just that it’s another big adjustment and I’ll need to factor in potential melt-downs and settling-in jitters from the kids for a few weeks into the new year. 

And then of course there’s New Years Day. God, really? I’ve talked about it with Chance a little bit, and I suggested we celebrate Dadda’s birthday each year, and be happy on New Years Day, and excited about what a New Year can bring for our family. I just don’t want to start every single year from now on, on such an awful, sad note, you know? I want to celebrate our time as a family of six, but also forge ahead as a party of five. 

I think this has helped; getting a few things out of my head and onto the screen. Tomorrow is a big day for my biggest boy, and I plan to make it extra special for him. 

10 things on the 10th

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10 Baby names we didn’t use

1. Silver – for a girl. Or boy. You can guess who chose that one, and who chose not to use it!

2. Gabe – short for Gabriel. Chance was going to be Gabe up until I was seven months pregnant and we heard the name Chance and liked it. It was always on the backburner but never got used.

3. Hector – cute or what!!?

4. Scout – I gave that a big old veto. Scout is a dog’s name, am I right??

5. Zeke – I really love this name, but Frith vetoed it for Julius.

6. Dash – Dash Foottit? I don’t think so….

7. Wesley – or Wes Lee. Ha ha. Didn’t quite stick.

8. Alby – how stinkin’ cute is that??? Frith vetoed 🙁

9. Louie or Linus – both adorable.

As you can see, these are pretty much all boy’s names, as we had a girl’s name picked out for a long time:

10. Lacey-Cate. The girl’s name we had picked out for Darby and Julius that we never got to use. We loved this name. I loved that it saluted the Cathy and Kates in our lives. Such a perfect name 🙁

There are actually HEAPS more like Victor, Hogarth, Bryce, Jesse, Leon, Sinclair, Jarvis, Archer, Lex, Howard, Bernie, Perry, Kiel, Luca and Aramis. Need a boy’s name? Feel free to steal one 🙂

Just another manic Monday

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Julius woke up at 4am, but thankfully went back to sleep. Everyone was awake by 6:15am, so no complaints there.

I got to tell the kids that I bought a house!

I know right!!?? It’s in Brighton, where I’ve been concentrating my search. I bid over the phone at the Auction on Saturday morning from Melbourne and now we have a house! It settles mid-December, and we will move in January some time. Absolutely thrilled! Bought some bubbles to celebrate!

Not long after I told them, Quinny got her nose out of joint about something, and was up and down for the rest of the morning, saying she didn’t want to go to Prep. Also insisting she hated blueberries and only wanted strawberries. She didn’t want a banana or a peach either. I know it wasn’t about the fruit; she was tired and I’d been away all weekend, so I did try my best to be patient.

After stuffing around with school lunches, we were only slightly late for school. Quinn turned it around thankfully, and was happy to go into her classroom. As I was leaving the school, I was reminded that today was “Chappy Lunch Subway day” that I had already paid for weeks ago, which meant I didn’t actually have to make lunch for them. Sheesh!!!!!

I had committed myself to a series of cooking classes on Monday mornings at the church I go to playgroup at, and on my way I was feeling less than enthused. I’m pretty tired and have a lot to do with regards to the house, but I thought “I’ve committed, and it’s popular and I’ve taken a spot” so I wanted to honour that commitment. Plus I read we all received a “free slow cooker and Jamie Oliver cookbook!” Which I thought meant two cookbooks but no! I actually got a slow cooker! So I was pretty excited about that, since I don’t have one anymore.

I’ve now paid my deposit for the house, and have started scouring Gumtree for furniture. I plan to get everything second hand, as much as possible.

So yeah, just your typical Monday morning around here!

Going Solo and Melbourne

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Mum and Dad went to Melbourne last Wednesday, and they return home today. I decided to “go it alone” with the kids at home, as a bit of a test run for when we find a house of our own. I did have some help (and lots of fun!) over the weekend with sleepovers and activities, and help with washing during the week, but for the most part, the last nine days has seen me single-parenting the kids.

And you know what? It’s gone rather well.

It’s one of those situations where, if you know you have to do it, you just do it. Having Mum and Dad around is an absolute God-send, and I really do appreciate how much they do for me every single day, especially when they’re not around. But I guess for me it’s nice to know that when it comes to it, I will be able to manage “on my own.”

Having something to look forward to has certainly helped! I head to Melbourne tomorrow morning for a friend’s 50th on Saturday night, and I get home Sunday night. I’m SO excited about this trip. You guys know how much I love Melbourne, and being able to see a bunch of people all at once will be such a treat. So this has definitely helped me plough through the night time routines and seemingly endless mornings.

I also feel like I have a bit of my writing mojo back which is nice. I have a lot going on in my head, a lot going down on paper, and not much going on the screen, but it’s nice to be writing again.

The title of this post was originally “Going Solo and Being Blindsided by Grief” but the grief thing is a post all in itself. I did want to say thank you for all the love after I shared that article on fb yesterday. It hit me rather hard and rather unexpectedly.

But right now I’m concentrating on my parenting victories, and my upcoming trip to my happy town. I might even squeeze in a spot of op-shopping 🙂

The perfect house

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I remember when Frith and I were looking at buying a house in Wangaratta, one of the catch-phrases that and agent used was “Let’s find you a house so you can get your Saturdays back!” I feel like I need to find a house so I can get my life back! I live on realestate.com.au at the moment. I feel like I’m constantly hitting the refresh button to see if new houses have been listed; to see if “the one” has come up for sale.

I’ve looked at 21 houses in person in the last 6 months or so, and countless online. I’ve put in one offer (that was rejected for being “offensive”… don’t get me started…) and have tried to talk myself into a few houses that weren’t quite right, but possibly might have had some potential. I was contemplating all this house stuff when I had a quiet moment to myself the other day (it didn’t last long).

I’ve never had to look for a house under these circumstances. And I’m not just talking about being alone. I’m talking about knowing the kids and I will be there for many years to come, and not just another year here or a year there.

The thing is, over the last 11 years, I have always found us the right place to live. Sometimes my options were very limited, by budget and location, but often that was also a blessing. Sometimes we decided we wanted to buy a house, but it didn’t come through for us for various reasons. Sometimes, the stars aligned, we found a house we loved, and we moved into it. And sometimes we have been plonked into a house or townhouse with not much say in it (due to Frith’s work). But no matter what, I have always made it into a home.

The house we bought in Rocky* was the only house we looked at. Yes, we literally made an impulse purchase on a house. And even though I never ever intended on buying a  fixer-upper, even though we cursed it regularly, and spent way too much money on it, we loved it so much, and it really felt like home. The memories we made there as a family, are the only ones the kids will remember with Frith. It’s the only home we had as a family of six.

My point to all this is that, no matter what house I buy, I know I will make it our home. I’ve never been in a position to buy a “forever home”, or at least a 20 year home, and it’s daunting as hell. I guess I just have to have faith that no matter what, we will be at home wherever we are.

*I love this link because if you click on the photos in reverse order, it shows the before AND after!!

I’d like to thank the Academy

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Look it was a team effort to be honest. It’s a really big deal and it’s really hard to accomplish eight hours of solid, only once-interrupted sleep as a mother of four children under eight. I just couldn’t have done it without everyone’s help.

I’d like to thank my son Chance, even though you did come in to my bed during the night, you were like a Ninja and I didn’t even notice, so thank you my darling. I’d like to thank my daughter Quinn, for not losing your “Dadda shirt” off your bunk bed during the night and calling out for me to retrieve it. You’re such a sweetheart.

Thank you to my darling Darby for sleeping in your bed all night long and not having to get up to go to the toilet. What a champ! And my baby Julius, even though you woke up at 2am, I brought you into bed with me and you went straight back to sleep. After the rough couple of weeks we have had with 5am wake ups, and even one 4:45am, waking up with you at 6am was just heavenly. I felt like I could conquer the world!

Let’s try it again sometime team!!!

<awards music comes on, drops mic, walks off stage>

Trying to remember all the things

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I fear my memories of Frith are fading.

I was trying to think of one of our silly jokes that we used to always do, and I can’t remember the punch line. It’s really frustrating me.

We used to do this other joke where one of us would say something like “want some chicken?” and the other would say “you’re a chicken”. It works with many things. “Have you seen my mouse pad?” “You’re a mouse pad.” See? So dumb and so versatile.

Once when we were unpacking after one of our moves, Frith asked me what was in the box I was unpacking. I said “Crafty shit” and he said “you’re a crafty shit.” Oh my gosh I couldn’t stop laughing. It still makes me smile as I type this.

That was a running gag between us for years. Anytime I was crafting, Frith would say “what are you doing” and I’d say “crafty shit” and he’d say “you’re a crafty shit.” And from then on, whenever we moved, I would label the box of craft with “crafty shit.” This was before the kids could read, thankfully 🙂

Whenever the kids asked Frith what he was doing, regardless of what he was doing, he would reply “making a sandwich”. The funny thing was, he pretty much never made any sandwiches, but on the rare occasion he ever did, the kids would be cluey enough to catch him out, and ask him. I try and do that too. When the kids ask me what I’m doing, I try and remember to respond with “making a sandwich”.

I’m finding myself desperately trying to remember all our silly bits and inside jokes. They are getting harder to recall. I’ve been writing them down as much as possible, but I know I won’t remember them all. And it seems the harder I try to remember, the more the memories elude me.

I just hope that they come back to me in other situations, in the years to come. I hope that I can be transported back to a memory with him; a sweet moment, captured in time by a dumb, off the cuff remark, that is in the depths of my heart, waiting to resurface, and to give me a little smile.

10 things on the 10th

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10 more things Frith never got to do

1. Make his own boots – he found a course in Melbourne that taught you how to make your own shoes. The cost of the course girls buy a lot of boots…

2. Get a tattoo – he had chosen the artist; a tattooist down in Melbourne (he loved Melbourne) but hadn’t chosen the design.

3. Watch Lost and How I met your Mother.

4. Run for local office. That was something he had started toying with in Rocky

5. Do a guest post on my blog. Apart from announcing Chance’s arrival, which doesn’t really count.

6. Get the Lego Knights Castle. It was on my list to get him…

7. See the new model Delica. I think he would have wanted it!!

8. Teach Chance how to solve a Rubix Cube.

9. Read The Watchmen graphic Novel I bought him, or watch the movie.

10. Try 99% Lindt chocolate.