Coffee and regret

April 17, 2016 / Renae / 2 Comments

Oh it’s been a weekend. I’m currently in the middle of a 4 week challenge with my fit mums group, and I’ve been quite strict with my food and drink consumption, particularly when it comes to alcohol and bread – I have a “no booze during the week” rule and have been limiting myself to a glass of wine or 2 at the most on weekend nights, and have pretty much cut out bread for the time being.

Except for this weekend just gone. We had an impromptu dinner with friends on Friday night, as we were preparing for our neighbourhood yard sale Saturday morning. Being Friday night I thought I’d have a glass of wine, which turned into 3 glasses and a cherry vodka. And 3 huge slices of garlic bread with my dinner. It’s true that when I deprive myself of things, I can really go overboard when I allow it back into my diet.

So after a horrid night with Darby, I felt incredibly seedy yesterday morning, and what does one do when they feel seedy? That’s right. I ate crap. Thankfully there wasn’t much to choose from in the house as I know what I can be like – it’s better to just not have it around – but my lovely neighbour brought over some chocolate slice and that undid me. And then there was freshly bake bread with our BBQ lunch which I threw myself at with no thought of consequences.

You see, since cutting back on booze and bread substantially, I am no longer piss-fit nor carb-tolerant. And last night I had a serious sugar crash. Because I was already in so deep, however I finished off my 24 hours of drunken scoffing with 2 pieces of pizza and another cherry vodka (on the rocks baby.)

So today, I shall be living on coffee and regret. But, unlike days gone by, I will not allow myself to dwell over it or punish myself, or think “well I’ve ruined it now, so I might as well just forget about it and eat some more.” Along with my coffee, I’ll be eating lots of fruit and veges, and I’m about to go for a big old walk down to Woollies to do our weekly shop. Because I know that one bad 24 hours does not define my lifestyle. I had a great time, enjoyed some very yummy food, and can now move onwards and upwards.

Happy Easter

March 28, 2016 / Renae / Leave a comment

We have a tradition in our house of giving Lego for, well, pretty much all occasions. And Easter is no exception! We have our friends Kate, Liam and Alex visiting for the week and it’s always more fun with other kids (and another adult) around!

We started off with an Easter Egg hunt in the back yard

Then it was time to find the colour-coded packets of Lego in the front yard.

Then the next hour or two was bliss for both adults and kids

We headed to the botanic gardens after that to feed the ducks and have a run around

Two foxy ladies

It’s just so nice having another adult around and the kids are having a great time together. Looking forward to the rest of the week.

When love came to town

March 2, 2016 / Renae / Leave a comment

Hubs and I have lived in many cities and towns together. Starting off in Brisbane, where we met, fell in love and got married, we then headed south to Melbourne. Then came Wangaratta, Mount Beauty, back to Wang, then north to Townsville, Ingham and Mount Isa, and finally Rockhampton.

Looking at this list now, I can tell you that into our lives have come kindred spirits, unexpected connections, small-world coincidences, and four top-class Godparents. We are blessed, we are grateful and I like to think we do not take these blessings for granted.

So when an opportunity comes along to see one or more of these fine people (like on our recent trip to Melbourne) we grab it with both hands.

Enter The Godfather.

We struck up a friendship with Felix in Mount Isa very early on through a friend of a friend (I think!?) I still remember the first time I met him – it was at the races, and I had no idea that this was the beginning of a very special friendship.

One thing that really draws us to people is when they are interested in doing things spontaneously and we found ourselves going 4WDriving with an hour’s notice and it was great. Then there were the Saturday morning garage sale ventures where Hubs and Felix would go and “look at some stuff” with the kids on a Saturday morning while I had a sleep in. This would be followed by brunch and maybe even plans for Sunday would be made. And of course the kids grew to love uncle Felix.

So when Darby-doo came along, it was not a hard choice or Godparents. We had already become friends with Sonia in Townsville and had all moved out to the Isa together. We were a strong support for each other, especially in this early weeks and months, and when we found out we would be in Rockhampton together I almost burst with excitement.

So en route to his new soon-to-be home town of Orange, Felix decided to pop in and stay for a couple of nights. It was so nice having him around to play with the kids, and they fell in love with him all over again. And I just loved having one of our little crews back together, albeit only for a moment.

Honestly I’m just feeling so grateful right now for all the incredible people in our lives.

Holding an ice-cream-eating toddler while wearing a white shirt? Now that’s love. (And Napi-San a couple of hours later…)

Offering and being excited to come to playgroup, AND getting crafty with the kids.

Getting the Godparents back together in the same town again!

Coming to watch Chance get his special prep award.

Reading at storytime (so I don’t have to.)

Buying a completely adorable outfit at an op shop.

For these reasons and so many more, it has been a simply marvellous couple of days around here. I look forward to the next reunion!

Two steps forward, one step back

February 22, 2016 / Renae / Leave a comment

Old habits are funny aren’t they? Just when you think you’ve got them licked, they slowly, subtly sneak back into your life. I created some pretty kick-arse habits last year; exercising regularly, not drinking booze during the week and only a glass of wine or 2 on weekends, not finishing off the kids meals so as not to “waste” food, only having dessert when it was a real treat; lots of positive self-talk… the list goes on.

Actually, one of the biggest things that I finally intellectualized was that the food will always always be there. I don’t have to have it all now. That was a bit of a turning point for me, and something that I haven’t been saying to myself enough in the last few months.

From the end of November until now, I have celebrated the following:
Chance’s birthday
Our wedding anniversary
Darby’s birthday
Christmas
New Years
My birthday
Quinn’s birthday
A week in Melbourne with Hubs and no kids

And so yeah, what can I say? The odd glass of wine turned into a few cold ciders on a hot summer day or a bottle of bubbly shared with Hubs; the desserts were plentiful, the dishes were rich, and the desire to consume was strong in this one.

I wouldn’t say I fell off the wagon per se, but I have noticed things creeping back into my life that I thought I wouldn’t be doing again, and because of that, pants are feeling tighter, clothes aren’t fitting as nicely, and that number that I really try not to obsess over is making me unhappy.

But. BUT. Oh there’s a but. I am aware, and I certainly haven’t a) gone back to those bad habits in any extreme way (ie I’m not reaching for food when I’m emotional) and b) I’m focusing on how far I have come and celebrating my health and being grateful for it. I’m trying not to panic which is what old me would do, and start reaching for the chocolate/ice cream/name your poison to cope. I refuse to go back to being fat and unfit. I’m not going back there. I’m so sick of starting over so this time I’m NOT quitting. I’m so pleased I have kept up the exercise through all of this – it has been such a saviour for me. I just need to add a few more days of it each week.

Losing weight and getting healthy are words we throw around daily, but it’s in that moment of holding the cake in your hand, or being offered a glass of wine on a Tuesday night, or finishing off the last bits of something so as not to waste it that can really make or break me. And I know from 2 decades of experience in trying to/succeeding to lose weight, that it’s those small decisions every day that make the difference.

When anyone starts on a weight-loss/get healthy journey, and people start noticing, I think it almost makes it harder. It’s like, you know they’re watching you now, and you want to continue with your success as it makes them so happy and proud of you! My sister-in-law made comments along those lines when we hung out over Christmas, and it’s so true.

I’m not here to make any grand statements or affirmations, but just as more of a “hello and I’m struggling a little bit with my body and my brain at the moment but that’s okay because there is a way forward.” I just have to find my sweet spot again.

Bring on the Fit Mums 6 week challenge!!

Quinn is 3

February 22, 2016 / Renae / Leave a comment

Did you catch that? Yeah, it surprised me a little too. I mean, remember this little munchkin?

Well her hair kind of grew, along with her sass, and now she’s more angelic than ever.

Don’t get me wrong. She still loves to be Captain Underpants.

But her tastes have certainly changed over the last year or so. To commemorate this auspicious occasion, I was adamant that I wanted to re-create the little garden tea party that didn’t quite go to plan at her Baptism. Except, it seems that our little girl is somewhat of a rainmaker, and for the few days leading up to the party, it rained incessantly.

I made the call the night before that we should have the party indoors, and since our house isn’t exactly “open plan” we arranged the rooms into “food room”, “general toy room”, “Duplo room” and “all kids Lego room” and I’ve got to say, it worked an absolute treat!

Here’s the “food room” aka our dining area/back sunroom:

See Tammy Turtle the cake in the background?

So much awesome delicious fooooooood!

Then there was the Duplo room

And there was also the Big Kids Lego Room and the General Play Room.

Hard to believe our little chatterbox is 3. Happy birthday baby girl.

Your endless chatter and running commentary of our day to day life keeps me so entertained.

The way you look after your brothers and give us lots of kisses and cuddles delight us in every way and I love how you only ever want to eat the icing and not the cake. This tells me that you’ll always look for the best in life, and you so deserve it.

We love you so so so much. Always remember that xxxxx

1000 words

February 11, 2016 / Renae / 1 Comment

Back to where it all began.

We’ve been in Melbourne for less than 48 hours and it feels like we never left. How is that possible? Since leaving the city almost six years ago, we have moved house seven times and had three kids. That’s a lot of life changes by anyone’s standards.

Maybe I just want to feel like I never left. This is a week of freedom for Hubs and I; to live it up and do whatever we please. We’ve been reminiscing like crazy and going to all our favourite places. Just like old times.

Moving to Melbourne was a real turning point in my life, and so much has happened because of that decision to move. Hubs broached the subject of him wanting to study down here when we first got together and I’m pretty sure my thoughts were “noooooooo! I don’t want to leave Brisbane! Nanny will be devastated!” Outwardly I would have been much cooler I’m sure.

Five months later, in May 2007, we took a trip down here “just to check it out”. Oh and Frith had his interview with Melbourne uni. After spending some time in the city, and meeting his gorgeous family down here, I was sold. I was also thinking a certain question might be popped during our visit, but he had other plans for that the following month.

A bit over a year later, at the end of a long, cold, amazingly fun trip down in the kombi, we arrived as husband and wife. And a few days later I started this blog. All of our highs and lows and in-betweens have been documented here. I never thought I would keep it up for so long but blogging is just a part of my life now. I had talked about starting a blog for months, but it wasn’t until we moved that I actually felt the urge to begin.

Melbourne changed me, and for the better I believe. It was time for me to get out on my own, with my new husband; my new family, by my side. We were a unit the two if us; in love, invincible; and in Melbourne.

The first six months were hard. I went from having social engagements every night in Brisbane, to no friends and nothing to do in Melbourne. Frith made friends easily through medicine, and while they knocked off at midday on a Friday and headed to the pub, I was working full time to support us. Resentment crept in. Jealousy tapped me on the shoulder. Feelings I never thought possible towards my shiny new, perfect husband surfaced.

For the most part I ignored those feelings; pushed them deep down and put on a smiling face. But a few too many wines would bring it all bubbling to the surface and everything would come pouring out. Once the booze wore off, and we were able to communicate like adults, Hubs would make me spill my guts. Everything. All my insecurities, my suspicions were all heard out and all reassured. We were still new at this thing called marriage. We had to work out our own path and figure out what worked for us.

Reality had set in and not all was perfect. But that’s what marriage is all about. Being perfect for each other, and doing the very best you can. Being your own person and not trying to be someone you’re not, just to please your spouse. I was trying to be everything Hubs wanted me to be, when all I had to do was to be myself. That’s who he fell in love with. The cat was well and truly out of the bag before we got married – he knew I wasn’t perfect and he loved me for it.

I just had to learn to love myself a little more. I had to figure out who I was without my family and friends around to define me. This took some time, and it turns out I’m still a work in progress. But I’ve learnt to love the process and the journey, and not just try and skip to the end result.

So as I walk around Melbourne now, dropping in on familiar places that feel like old friends, I remember Renae from 2008 and I reassure her that things are working out pretty well. I tell her that she and Hubs will never stop disagreeing on things, but that we always sort things out and get stronger. I tell her that even though she has to move around a lot, the adventures that follow make it worthwhile. I tell her to enjoy her sleep-ins and hot coffees, because once the kids come, they are the first things to go.

I tell her about the friends she will meet and the people who she will stay in touch with; it will surprise her who makes the effort to keep in contact. I tell her that she might want to stop at three children and not have four or five like they always talk about, but I know she’ll never believe me. I tell her how Hubs is a wonderful father but she already knows that.

I tell her that Nanny will never get to meet her great-granddaughter and that will upset her. A lot. Especially when her middle name is Maria, and she reminds her of Nanny everyday.

I tell her not to worry so much about what is to come; to trust Hubs more, as he always comes through with the goods. I remind her to tell Hubs everyday how much he is loved. He puts on a tough exterior, but, just like her, he needs to know.

So as I sit here staring at the bottom of another cup of coffee, waiting for Hubs to finish his GSSE, and wondering where life will take us next, I am grateful that we started our journey here in this beautiful city, full of incredible people and memories.

We’ll always have Melbourne.

My big boy

January 27, 2016 / Renae / 2 Comments

Chance started prep today. He was so keen to get into his uniform this morning. He asked me if he was the most perfect prep boy ever.

He wanted a Star Wars backpack but all the ones I found were cheap and rubbish. So Hubs and I decided to hit up the Army disposal shop in town for a black canvas backpack, then it was off to Spotlight for the fabric. And hey presto!

I also love that it’s a one-off so he’ll always know which bag is his. I think he likes it.

And the books! Oh the covering of the books! I secretly love it

Since Hubs is home on study leave, he took some time out this morning to be a part of Chance’s first day which was lovely. The kids crammed into the pram and off we went on this stinking hot morning.

We were obviously hanging around too long at drop off time, as Chance very politely requested for us to “please leave now”.

And the verdict? “It was even better than kindy!” And let me tell you, this kid LOVED kindy.

Things people say

January 23, 2016 / Renae / Leave a comment

I had four encounters with four different people the other day that all had an impact on me. It’s amazing how just one line from someone can change your mood in an instant, sometimes for the better and sometimes not.

“We’ll get there dear”

Hubs said this to me in the middle of a bit of a panic attack. I couldn’t quite shake the stress of having to get renovations started on the house. I was stressing about money, about not having enough time for everything, and about getting Chanbe organised for prep next week. He gave me his full attention, listened patiently, and assured me that everything would be fine. And I believe him.

“You look more relaxed than when I saw you before Christmas”

A friend said this to me when we caught up for coffee. This was not too long after my little chat with Hubs. Amazing how I didn’t really know I was stressed until I wasn’t.

“No, I want to keep Darby”

Hubs keeps hinting at us having another baby. Our baby rocker was sitting in the middle of the media room and Hubs said we should give it away or have another baby. He asked Quinny “would you like another baby brother or sister?” And that was her response. Hubs and I couldn’t stop laughing. We had to explain that we would be keeping Darby as well.

“Aah another organised mum”

I went to pick out Chance’s prep booklist while I was out and about, and being new to all this, I had no idea what to do. I turned up to the education resource centre that I was directed to, but I had left the booklist at home. I had Chance and Darby with me and was a bit distracted when it was my turn in line. I said something along the lines of “prep, The Hall state school booklist”. I was greeted with a blank stare and a “yes?” I apologised and explained what I needed but that I’d left the list on the fridge at home. “Another organised mum.” I did not appreciate the comment. But I also didn’t care. She knows nothing about my life and I know I’m doing my best.

It certainly reminds me how words can have a huge impact on someone’s day and I will certainly try to keep in mind these three things before I speak: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

Happy birthday to me

January 20, 2016 / Renae / Leave a comment

Birthdays are funny things as an adult. Chance was getting very confused as to why there weren’t a dozen huge presents to open, since that’s his recollection of his last birthday I suppose. But for us adults, at least in our household, birthdays go a little something like this.

Breakfast in bed. Hubs makes killer poached eggs and bacon. A great way to start the day.

A bit of bling from Hubs and the kids. This piece is called a “sphere of life”.

We headed out mid-morning to hit some op-shops together as a family. I hit the jackpot with a dress and skirt, both $6 and both brand new with the tags still on them! The kids got a little something each, and Hubs found a couple of things we’d been looking for for a while.

45 minutes of peace to enjoy a hot coffee and some brownie with home made ice cream and NOT SHARE ANY OF IT! Do not underestimate how amazing this time was for me. And excuse that huge pile of old guttering – they are picking that up tomorrow.

I was also spoilt with a surprise cake from my neighbour, and some friends came over with their kids in the afternoon to share it. So so lovely.

An easy dinner for the kids.

Cute kiddies in the tub. It’s getting a bit squeezy in there these days I gotta say…

A special dinner for Hubs and I. Even though I cooked these creamy garlic prawns on rice, topped with basil from our garden, myself, it was still a big treat. Plus I love cooking if it’s the only thing I’m doing at that exact time.

Accompanied by my absolute favourite sparkling white at the moment.

So even though Chance was disappointed with the lack of wrapped presents, all in all it was a lovely day. Hubs and I are saving our celebrating until we get to Melbourne. Then, look out!

A day in the life

January 10, 2016 / Renae / 2 Comments

I didn’t plan to do this, but today I found myself whipping out my camera (read: phone) to take photos of nothing in particular and it turned into a bit of a day in the life of a (somewhat bored) stay at home mum. Enjoy!

Hard to see here but I was trying to get a photo of what Quinn dressed herself in this morning – fairy dress from Aunty Heather, brown shorts and black boots.

Then off to the Sunday markets for some fresh fruit and veges. Chance has decided lately that he is camera shy. Unlike Darby.

After that it was back home and while Darby napped, we cracked on with a bit of Lego Technic.

Things went a bit pear shaped when Darby woke up and C & Q were acting up a bit. I retreated to my bed with my baby for some cuddles and chuckles and also had a bit of a pity cry. Then it was selfie time.

See the puffy eyes? And of course Chanbe & Quinndy wanted in on the action.

I may have allowed myself a small smirk at this point and tried to turn it around. Next up was lunch and more playing, after which Darby went down for his big sleep (lucky thing) and the kids wanted to do some painting. Why not, I thought!

Then Chance all of a sudden remembered that we still had to build a model aeroplane which he gets to do whenever he sleeps in his big boy bed all night long. Let me clarify – I get to make it and he gets to play with it. The instructions assume a lot more talent than I possess but I must say I’m getting better with each one! This was today’s creation:

Impressed? He was too. It was then time to clean up the Duplo that was scattered everywhere but we ended up just playing with it for an hour. And I decorated the kids toy boxes with the day’s artwork. From this:

To this!

In the mean time, you could find Quinn walking around with her brown shorts and no top on, (“just like Dadda”) messy hair, talking on “her” phone making big business deals.

And Darby was just, you know, TAKING HIS FIRST STEPS!!!!! I did get a video of it but it goes for 2 minutes and it’s not actually that good but it was SO EXCITING! He did it for Hubs as soon as he got home from work which was lovely too.

And this is pretty much what things look like around here once Hubs gets home:

And after they have had their fill of mango, they are clearly not interested in the lovely dinner I have prepared for yet another evening and I am left wondering “why do I bother???” But then I remind myself that they filled up on mangoes and not chocolate so I get over it.

And then it may be time for stories.

The best part of the day? Has to be what’s waiting for me once the kids are in bed, asleep:

No not that! It’s this! Our neighbour makes the most amazing cheesecakes and he dropped off some leftovers.

Oooh yeah. So incredible and so needed after another “normal” day for me. I’m in a bit of a new year funk at the moment that I’m trying to shift out of. Hoping I get around to doing a few big things on my list this week. I hope you enjoyed your day