Bigger than my body

December 3, 2014 / Renae / Leave a comment

I’ve almost always felt big. Too big. Bigger than others. Bigger than I want to be.

Choose your poison.

Except, ironically, right now. I’m probably the biggest I’ve ever been: I’m 40 weeks pregnant, I’m huge, and I’m feeling amazing. Okay, amazing is a bit of a stretch in this heat and not-particularly-comfortable stage, but I look in the mirror and think “nice”. Admittedly sometimes I think “woah I’m huge” but not in an “I’m so fat” way. More in a “wow look at that baby in there. I can’t wait to meet him/her” way.

I’m not sure if it’s because I’m marveling at what my body can do, or if I just feel like I’m rocking some pretty cute dresses, but I just feel good. There’s a number on the scale every time I go for a check up that I don’t recognise, and that the midwives aren’t particularly fussed with, and it doesn’t define me as it has in the past.

No one thing defines me. I decide. I am the decider.

Yes I have health and fitness goals for myself, but they are not based around guilt or any kind of timeline. They are based around wanting to be able to move more freely; wanting my body to function at its best so I can be the best person and wife and mama I can be. I don’t expect any changes to come easily; I know I will have to work for them; but I want to enjoy the process as well as the health benefits I will gain.

I remember when i started my couch 2 5k training last year, I was so surprised at how quickly I noticed changes. Small changes yes, but enough changes to make me keep going. So even though I’m currently bigger than I’ve ever been, I’m always going to be bigger than my body.

“Once I lose weight I will…” blah blah blah…

December 2, 2014 / Renae / 2 Comments

I was chatting with a good friend of mine while I was in Brisbane about blogging and stuff. She is an avid reader and always gets cranky when I don’t post often enough 🙂 I said that I had a bunch of posts that I’d started and never published and she said I should go back to them and finish them off! So that’s what today’s post is. The following was written in September 2013:

This phrase has been with me a long time.

Once I lose weight I will:
– spend money on nicer clothes that fit me well and look great
– take up tap dancing again (it’s been 20 years since I last tapped…)
– do a 10km fun run
– keep the weight off and magically never be emotionally attached to food again
– go on the swings and playground equipment with Chanbe without fear of it breaking (I never said I was rational!)
– not poke my tongue out whenever I look in the mirror (my daily positive thought is helping with this though)
– be happy

So the way I see it, I have 2 choices. Lose weight and do these things, or don’t lose weight and do these things. That’s the only way I’m going to be happy in my own skin. To do all these things (and there are so many more) now. Just as I am.

Cos I’m pretty all right.

I actually remember writing this post, and I’m not sure why it never made it to the published stage. Maybe I was waiting to lose weight so I could publish it as an afterthought.

I’ve also had another post floating around in my head recently that I titled “Bigger than my body.” While waiting for my obstetrician appointment this morning, I wrote down the crux of it, and will write it in full later on tonight, as it is a bit of a continuation on this theme, but not.

You’ll see what I mean soon!

(Update: the baby is still nice and snug in my uterus. It’s happy and I’m happy, so my doctor is happy for me to continue along, and hope that I go into labour all by myself, to avoid being induced. Fingers crossed!!)

Happy 7th Anniversary (and Happy Due Date!)

December 1, 2014 / Renae / 2 Comments

Dear Hubs,

I love you. Very few days, if any, go by where you don’t somehow make me smile.

We have been talking a bit lately about how much we have both changed in the last 8 years. Some changes have been intentional, some not so much. Some positive, some still need refining.

At the end of the day, I know we are in this together. We are a team and we have everything at our disposal to keep our marriage going the direction we want it to. Even though it won’t all be rainbows and unicorns all of the time, the hard stuff makes the good stuff even better, and there’s plenty of that to speak of.

On this day 7 years ago,

I made vows to love you and cherish you forever. It’s hard to imagine what “forever” means on your wedding day. Even 7 years isn’t actually that long, but it still excites me that I found you; that I found a man who I do want to share life’s special moments with, as well as the day-to-day mundane that fills the gaps. With you, there is always some new idea and adventure to talk about; always dreams to be dreamt and plans to be made.

Don’t stop dreaming with me; don’t stop getting excited about ideas; don’t stop sharing those ideas, no matter how crazy.

Don’t stop believing (hold on to that feeling) (I don’t love Journey)

Love, Wifey xx

Happy 4th Birthday Chanbe

November 30, 2014 / Renae / Leave a comment

4 years (and 3 days) ago, Chanbe came into our lives and changed our world. There have been sleepless nights; tears of joy and triumph, as well as frustration; many a milestone; countless kisses and cuddles; and everything else in between you can possibly imagine.

We had a little BBQ dinner for our big 4 year old on his actual birthday (Thursday) and were so pleased that everyone we invited was able to come. Quite impressive for a Thursday afternoon/evening party. He and his little friends ran amok while us adults chatted and drank and ate around them. As happened last year, a thunderstorm rolled in and the 10 minute downpour cooled things off for the evening which was delightful. Hubs cooked delicious lamb to have of souvas, and as per Chanbe’s request, I made a train cake.

My biggest goal for the day was not to give birth, so after achieving that, I felt like it had been an absolute success! I was on my feet all day, so I crashed a bit on Friday and have been pretty exhausted since, but it was such a wonderful afternoon that it was totally worth it.

Well my not-so-little guy, you continue to delight and entertain us with your smile, cheekiness, and energy. You are inquisitive and ask very interesting questions – you get that from your Dadda – and that will take you far in life. Although a bit overly enthusiastic at times, you are fiercely protective of your little sister, and you can’t wait to be a big brother again soon.

We love you and can’t wait to see what you come up with next.

I love Melbourne

November 1, 2014 / Renae / Leave a comment

Number one on my “to do” list should be “enable ability to blog from my mobile”. There have been numerous occasions in the last fortnight that I’ve wanted to share, but just haven’t been near a computer, and to be honest, I haven’t even tried to blog from my phone with the new format.

I’m writing this particular post from the very comfy couch at my brother and his partner’s house in Melbourne. Aaaaah Melbourne. How I have missed thee. K & K have recently moved down and in to their new house and we were lucky enough to be their first guests. The place is huge and amazing, and I can’t tell you how lovely it is to be back in Melbs. And as much as we love our kids (love love love!) it is really nice to just be here with Hubs. He is here for PAX Aus and in between playing video games and attending panel discussions on various topics, we have been wandering through the city, eating at our old favourite places and drinking delicious coffee. We’ve even run into a few students from Newman who remember us which is quite lovely.

Yesterday was a balmy 30 degrees, and today got up to only 16. And it felt like about 10 with the windchill. I even had to buy myself a beanie!! I came completely unprepared. We are catching up with a bunch of med friends tomorrow which I’m really looking forward to, and then the countdown back to reality (well, mostly) will be on. May I share with you what the next month or 2 looks like for us?

On Monday we fly back to Brisbane
We spend the week in and around Brizzy, having more catch ups
Hubs flies back down to Melbourne next weekend for a one week placement at the Alfred Hospital down here
Hubs flies back the following weekend
We pack up in the next day or 2 and head north to Rocky to check out the town and some living possibilities
We somehow make our way back to Mount Isa with me crossing my legs, trying not to give birth! (I think I’ll be around the 38.5 week mark by this stage!)
Celebrate Chanbe’s 4th birthday on the 27th November
The baby is due on the 1st of December so… yeah… who knows what will be happening around that time

And then of course the fun really begins! Hubs has a week of paternity leave some time in early December, and he is working over Christmas/New Year. And then, you know, we move to Rocky sometime in mid January. Happy Birthday to me!

But for the next 48 hours, I will continue to love and live Melbourne. I’m so exhausted from all of the walking, and my feet are screaming at me, but I can say 100% that it’s worth a little discomfort. This is the most relaxed I’ve seen Hubs all year, and it’s nice to be surrounded by a bit of culture and people just doing their own thing. Oh, and I won’t even complain about the weather.

I do love a good surprise!

October 14, 2014 / Renae / 2 Comments

So we’re in Brisbane. Now. Not exactly what we had planned, but that’s life for us most of the time. That’s one of the best things about being married to Hubs. He not only “allows” me to do crazy things, he actively encourages it. He’s the best. I woke up on Sunday morning, Mum’s birthday, and rang her for the usual cute singing kids and best wishes. After I hung up, I sighed. It was going to be another hot day with not much to do. Hubs was starting work at 1pm, and by 8am I already had the air con on.

As a bit of a joke, and just for fun, I looked up flights to Brisbane for that day, thinking “wouldn’t it be fun to just turn up and surprise Mum for her birthday!?” but not actually believing it was possible. I found 2 flights, and was surprised by the prices. They were pricey, but not obscene, and certainly not out of reach. I gently mentioned it to Hubs (who was having a sleep in) and then came back downstairs, thinking “it’s so crazy, it won’t happen.” When he got out of bed I told him he had to talk me out of it, otherwise I was going to seriously consider it.

Instead, he said “You might as well go.”

Whhhhaaaaaaaaat????? He was serious. Like I said, Best. Hubs. Ever. He justified it by saying what I was spending on airfares, we’d probably save on me not using the air conditioning every day for 2 weeks. Probably not quite true, but he did have a point. Plus, he’s probably a bit sick of me complaining about the heat…

I was immediately excited and jumped online to book.

It was 10:30am by that stage, and the flight I had decided on left at 2:30pm. There was so much to do! But thanks to my packing spreadsheet, it was no trouble at all in the end. We caught a cab and got to the airport at 1:40pm. I had arranged for my good friend to borrow a couple of car seats and pick us up from the airport at the other end, so I was all set. I sat down at the airport, and the enormousness of what I had just done, and what I was about to do, hit me.

Guys, I was ridiculously delirious with excitement, I actually felt a little ill! I couldn’t wait to surprise Mum! We boarded the flight before anyone else, and got settled in. The kids were, as usual, absolutely amazing for the whole flight, and for the first time ever, the time went really fast. Before I knew it, we were descending.

Now, you know how you build something up in your head and sometimes your expectations aren’t met? This was not the case for the surprise. We arrived at Mum and Dad’s place at Kelvin Grove, where I knew Mum was having a little get together. I had no idea who would still be there (it was 5:30pm by then) as I rang the doorbell. Apparently Mum thought, and said to her guests “who the heck could that be on a Sunday afternoon? Probably some religious people going door to door!”

She looked outside via the window next to the door, and that’s when the screaming started 🙂 Bingo. I don’t think anyone could understand her at first, as she was trying to unlock the door to let us in, squealing the whole time. Quindy went straight to her for “duddles” and Chanbe started looking for Grumpy. Oh, and the Lego. There were still about 8 people left, so it was lovely to share the surprise with them all.

And as an extra added bonus, My brother and his partner have stayed here as well, as they are about to move to Melbourne – they leave early tomorrow morning – so apart from Hubs, Mum and Dad have had their whole family under one roof. It’s been such a lovely, fun, time, and I’m just so happy to be down here; out of the heat, and out of our tiny townhouse; in a city where there is never any shortage of things to do.

Hubs will drive down next Wednesday and arrive late Thursday, and then we head out to Dalby on Friday for my cousin’s wedding. We were all going to drive down together then, but this way I get an extra bonus 12 days down here.

Happy Birthday Mum! Thanks for giving me an excuse to come down! As if I needed it…

Of sunsets and smiles

October 2, 2014 / Renae / 1 Comment

On our final evening at Karumba, we decided to go to the recommended fish and chip shop, grab some takeaway dinner and sit on the “beach” and watch the sun go down. The food did not disappoint, and nor did the view. Hubs bought a “new” Digital SLR camera recently, and has been having lots of fun with it, as you can see.

Quinn’s response to Hubs’ direction of “go over there and look cute.” I think she nailed it.

As Hubs started losing the light, he told Chance to try and stay really still.

Then he said “try and stay still, but not look so sad.” There’s my little guy.

So as I sit here at our desk, feeling hot and a bit sticky, I’m already missing the sea breezes that turned 35 degrees into heaven. I spent a lot of time just sitting, enjoying the breeze and the green grass around me. It’s amazing the things you miss when you don’t have them. Living so far away from the coast has really made me appreciate the water so much more, and I can’t wait to get closer next year.

Did I mention we are moving to Rockhampton next year? Probably not. But that’s a post for another day.

Ay Karumba!

October 1, 2014 / Renae / 2 Comments

Very original, I know, but it’s the only way I can remember that it’s Karumba and not Kuranda. Last week, Hubs had 5 days off and we decided we needed (needed) to get out of our wee townhouse or we would go crazy. So we decided to look into Karumba. Family friends of ours used to go up there every year for the fishing season, catch their fill, and travel back down to their home in Townsville. They loved it, and within minutes of arriving, I could see why.

We set off Tuesday morning around 10am to drive the almost 600km, and the kids were in good spirits and being rather cute and delightful!

I wish I could say these happy faces lasted the whole 8 hour trip, but all of you parents out there wouldn’t believe me. On the whole, they were really great, especially considering how boring the drive is!! We arrived just after 6pm, and this is one of the first things we saw:

This was our first look at Karumba – the sun setting over the water. What is it about water that energises and feeds the soul? I’ve never considered myself a particular lover of water, but this made my heart sing. And things just got better from there. We arrived at the caravan park and were shown to our on-site caravan, named Frank.

It was nothing fancy, but very comfortable and much more roomy than I was expecting, with the permanent annexes on either side.

We were going to throw some snags on the BBQ for dinner, but then we saw a sign saying “prawns $20/kilo”. Um, yes please! So we ate prawns for dinner instead. Big, fresh, tasty prawns. I was pretty happy about that choice.

The next day I sent Hubs and Chanbe out on a fishing charter in the afternoon while Quindy and I had a little nap. They didn’t catch any keepers, but had a good time out on the water. And one of the other guys on the charter who caught a few, gave us one of his blue salmon.

The kids weren’t overly excited, but Hubs smoked that fish beautifully on the BBQ, and there’s nothing quite like fresh fish! We had booked in for the Croc and Crab tour for the next day, which Hubs was a bit ho-hum about (too touristy) but I was SO excited! Mainly because they serve fresh cooked prawns and mud crab for lunch as part of it. The tour went from 9:30am til 1:30pm, and considering the kids were in a confined space, they did really well. I even got complimented towards the end on their behaviour, which is always nice.

The tour was run by a married couple and they were just lovely and full of interesting facts about the area. Some photos? Sure.

They took us to see a couple of resident crocs which the kids were pretty damn excited about!

And after catching a few mud crabs in the pots, they showed us how to tie them up and gave us all a “pat”. Chanbe was not interested at all, and asked very kindly “please put it back in the bucket Dadda.” This one didn’t even have any claws!

Quindy was much more interested in finishing her Cheetos first,

And then of course she was interested in “patting” the crab’s claw! Girl is fearless!

And then, the feast was brought out. Everyone was given half of a (cooked) mudcrab each, and there were 3 big bowls of prawns to help ourselves to. There are no photos of this, as I was in the zone. That seafood was some of the best I’ve had in SO LONG! The kids were given a can of softdrink each – Quindy’s first serious taste of some orange sugary drink – and that kept them occupied for the next hour. Just you try to take it off them though! I think I’d fancy my chances with the crab more!

I’ll leave it there for now as this is already a long post, and there’s a fair bit more to come!

Welcome!

September 29, 2014 / Renae / 5 Comments

Aaah I see you’ve linked over from my old blog! So, what do you think? I know I’m a little biased but I love it! As I mentioned, there will be a bit of work going on behind-the-scenes here for a little while, but I’m just so happy to be here!

And since I haven’t blogged in weeks, I’m just bursting with things to share! Can you tell by all the exclamation marks????!!!!!!

Thank you so much Kate for all of your work on the header. I think it was definitely one of those “right time and right place” moments that finally got the ball rolling.

That’s it from me for now. I’m going to go back to edit mode and have a bit of a play around. And I’ll be seeing you around these here parts soon enough.

One of those shopping trips

August 26, 2014 / Renae / Leave a comment

You know the one. The 3-going-on-4-year-old wanting everything he sees and throwing a massive tantrum in the middle of the 5pm rush; the 18-month-old voicing her displeasure over the load in her nappy the size of Texas; the looks of pity and acknowledgment and “ah yes I’ve been there” from fellow parents and onlookers.

Yesterday I did not have that shopping trip. Yesterday I was grateful, for so many things.

It was just after 4pm when I put Quindy into the pram and set off to pick Chanbe up from kindy. I planned to pop to the dodgy Woolies which is just around the corner from where we live after picking Chanbe up, to get a few necessities, depending on how long the kids remained happy once we arrived. It was a lovely walk to the shop – about 1km – and the kids were happily chatting away.

We went through the shopping rules again, as we always do, and as I heard Chanbe say “no asking for food, no asking for drinks, no asking for toys” I praised him, only to be told “no Mama, I’m telling Quinny.” More praise.

We arrived and Chanbe immediately wanted to get out of the pram and help me shop. I took a breath and decided that this could work. He put his shoes on (no kid of mine is going to be walking around the Bronx Woolies barefoot) and we put the basket in his seat. The next 20 or so minutes were bliss. I would point to the item on the shelf, he would pick it up, give it to Quindy, and instruct her to put it in the basket. I ended up doing a slightly bigger shop than I had planned, simply because it went so well.

When we went to the checkouts, Chanbe wanted to show me the toy section. Here we go, I thought. But I said to him that it would be lovely for him to show me and then we would have to go and pay for our shopping. He pointed out a few things and that was it. Another sigh of relief and more praise for good choices.

I pushed our ginormous pram through the checkouts, paid for the shopping, gave the kids an apple each, and we were on our way.

This is how $60 of shopping fits nicely in the pram:

On the walk home, I thought about how grateful I was to have had such a positive experience. Parenting is hard work sometimes, and I know that I can get overwhelmed and bogged down by the monotony and challenges that this job brings. But yesterday, I chose to be grateful.

I’m grateful that I have 2 wonderful, healthy children who make me smile and make me proud.

I’m grateful for our awesome pram that I was a bit hesitant about buying initially, but that I haven’t regretted once. We get comments on it every time we go out which makes me love it more.

I’m grateful for this beautiful weather we are having. I struggled a lot with the summer months up here, but the last couple of weeks we’ve had lovely cool nights and beautiful days. The sun isn’t too hot, and there has been a nice stiff breeze to keep the flies away.

I’m grateful that I never have to worry about money to buy food and to pay for living costs.

I’m grateful for my fully-functioning, albeit slightly slow and sluggish body.

I’m grateful that even though I’m experiencing some not so fun ligament pain, I can get out and exercise which is so good for me at the moment.

I’m grateful that I have a loving husband who has a good job that enables me to be at home with the kids.

I could go on, but you get the idea. How can I not be grateful when I have all of this;

… and more:

Wifey: 26 weeks with #3