While I was in Brisbane a couple of weeks ago, I was happily driving my family around, which included my parents, when I noticed my dear darling Father kept looking over my shoulder at the speed I was travelling. I assured him that I knew how to drive and stick to the speed limit, and it occurred to me that I had, in fact, been driving for half of my life.

Way to make a girl feel old!

The year was 1997. People were flocking to cinemas to see the epic movie Titanic; “little” Johnny Howard and the Liberals were running the country; Tubthumping became the latest teen anthem, and this happy little blogger was in her final year of high school.

I always felt out of place in High School. I had a lovely group of friends, 4 of whom I’m still very good friends with today; I was very much involved in the music program, playing double bass, bass guitar and baritone sax; I did a lot of extra-curricular stuff like fund raising, school musicals when the school had them, played hockey and did tap dancing and jazz. But I never really knew who I was. I was a follower. I would always try and get cool hair cuts, but they always just ended up looking a bit boy-ish, or flick out uncontrollably once the hairdresser’s blow-dry wore off.

I didn’t really know how to talk to boys, so I would just try and make funny jokes that just weren’t funny, or I’d pay them out. While others were excited by it, I dreaded free dress day, as I had very little personal style, coupled by the fact that I was convinced I was vastly overweight (turns out, I wasn’t) and used to wear oversized clothes to hide my huge arse (that wasn’t actually that huge).

Side note, I love this conversation between Charlotte and Carrie on Sex and the City:

The problem was my head. I tried so damn hard to fit in that I was constantly worried about my actions and what I said and how I looked. I know that hindsight is a wonderful thing, and that no 17 year old has it all together, and that most of my insecurities came from comparing myself to others instead of learning to accept myself for who and what I was. Because, looking back, I was pretty awesome.

I wish I had a photo of myself back then to show you, but alas all those pre-digital photos are packed away in a box somewhere in the garage. Or in my mother-in-law’s garage.

I like to think I’ve come a long way in the last 17 years, especially when it comes to loving my body, knowing what hair cuts and clothes suit me, and how to talk to boys. I wonder what life-lessons I will learn in the coming 17 years, and beyond. Maybe I’ll finally understand how to work our damn media PC.

On a side note, I want all of these songs on our media PC. Well, most of them. Please? Hubs?

Wow. Um yeah, so the last 3 weeks accidentally passed by without so much as a cop-out photo post! The thing is, there’s been plenty going on, including a visit to the Cloncurry show, an afternoon/evening 4WD trip with new friends, Hubs’ birthday, our first official family camping trip, complete with tent, and Hubs getting the flu and being out of action for a week for the second time this year, which also coincided with our camping trip. Fun!

We are also in the middle of “application season” where Hubs has to apply for jobs for next year, so we’ve been talking about that a lot and have come up with a few ideas, and with a week-long trip for Hubs and 4 week-long trip for the kids and I to Brisbane starting next Wednesday, there’s been lots of thinking about packing and putting it off until the next day.

And don’t get me started on the fact that this book has kept me completely occupied since Tuesday morning (thankfully I just finished it an hour ago – which is almost a record for me as I’m the world’s slowest reader) and this show has kept us busy in the evenings.

Not enough going on? Well I’ve also had some pregnancy blood tests and other tests, as well as my 20 week morphology scan booked in for Monday and follow up Obstetrician appointment for Tuesday.

Still not enough? How’s this for the cherry on top: Our dear friends Haz, Maz, Jaz and Az are going to be passing through the Isa on Tuesday night en route to Darwin and are staying here the night. Hubs is working night shift that night starting at 11pm and we will be heading out to the airport at 8:30am the next morning to catch said flight to Brisbane. And we couldn’t be more excited! It’s going to be so great to see them and get the kids together again!

And of course, there’s been the usual “life” stuff like washing and cooking and tidying and exercising and entertaining children to throw into the mix.

So yeah, that’s enough. I’m tired just thinking about it. But anyway, I’m here and there are photos (that I need to upload and transfer and blah blah) so they are to come, but stay tuned!

I’m not sure how it happened, but I’m finding myself at the bottom of a ditch, looking up, trying to figure out a) how I got here and b) how the hell to get out.

I’m bored.

I’m exhausted with doing nothing.

I’m lonely.

I’m cranky.

I cry a lot.

I’m not myself.

I’ve been blaming it all on Mount Isa, but so much is contributing to this slump I’m in. When I speak to my friends, I whinge a bit (okay, a lot) but can turn it around and have a lovely chat and feel great afterwards. I know I’m an extrovert, but I sometimes forget what that actually means. I was reminded when I read this blog post today. Yes, I like to be the life of the party, but more importantly, I get my energy from other people. And when I don’t have close friends or family who I get to see every day, my energy levels are not being topped up.

And Hubs. Poor poor Hubs. I don’t think he knows quite what to do with me at the moment. I’m sure he wishes I could suck it up and get on with things, but I also know he understands the importance of feeling your feelings and working through them. I’ve been expecting things to change; hoping things change as I’m here longer, but they are not changing for the better. I’m sinking deeper in apathy and self pity.

And the problem is, when social opportunities do come up, I’ve started wondering if I could even be bothered. That is not like me. I told Hubs the other day that I am so much more productive around the house when he is home. Even if he is sitting on the couch playing computer games, just having him around energises me. Having anyone (adult that is) around helps. So having my mother in law around last week saw me happier than I’d been in weeks.

But as soon as she left, there was the emptiness again. And because I hadn’t recognised the extrovert-needing-energy connection, I have been a cranky pants whenever Hubs comes home, and taking my mood out on him. As if it’s his fault somehow.

So how do I get out of this? Well a month-long trip to Brisbane sure will help. I’m seeing this month away from here as a bit of a retreat. To recharge and hopefully find a bit of myself again.  I miss old Wifey. I want her back. This new cranky, tired, yelling, impatient, self-pitying Wifey does not belong here. Not long-term anyway.

I feel like this realisation might be a bit of a turning point. Okay. I hope it is. Because I’m getting sick of the whingeing and picking fights with Hubs because I’m bored. I wish Hubs could stay the month as well, but the reason I’m staying so long is because he is working for 18 out of 21 days after he gets back, so he suggested I just stay down. (We are both going down for a wedding for the first week.)

I really can’t wait to get down there and unwind, then recharge. I’ll be doing a lot of walking along the waterfront, going out for coffee, and getting my fix. Join me sometime?

Here’s the first 10 things you may not have known.

And here’s the next 10:

1. I love licorice. Almost as much as I love chocolate. That stuff is black gold. Oh, and don’t even get me started on bullets. Oh baby yeah.

2. I get nervous every time Daddy Pig parks his car on such a steep hill. (Scroll half way down this page)

3. Volume controls with numerical values have to be set on either a prime number or a number divisible by 3. Yeah. That’s a good one…

4. I distinctly remember being embarrassed by my Mum’s cloth/net shopping bags when I was growing up. Now I’m embarrassed when I forget mine and have to use plastic!

5. The body part I get most complimented on is my skin.

6. When a grocery item is half price, I have to buy 2. Or 4.

7. I would love to spend a weekend in a kitchen with Maggie Beer. Cool name, awesome cook. (May I please have one of her cookbooks? Or you know, all of them?)

8. When we were growing up, my Dad would always want to drive past our old house that was our first “family home” when we were in the area. My brother and I would give an obligatory groan, but I secretly loved it every time. I’m such a sentimental fool.

9. It annoys me in movies/TV shows when someone in a bar orders a drink and then leaves after 1 sip.

10. I like crunchy peanut butter, not smooth.