Category: Stuff
“What went wrong?”
I’ve been watching the Olympics a lot the last week. Not as much as I would like as I value my sleep, but I’ve been getting in some great couch time. I’ve so far been quite impressed with Channel Nine’s coverage – they say what is coming up and they actually show that event, unlike Channel Seven’s debacle in Beijing! I’m not even minding the ridiculous number of replays of the same races over and over again. My only issue with the whole coverage is the interviewing. The number of interviews are fine, and the quality of the questions are generally pretty good, except one question.
“So, can you tell us what went wrong?”
What does that even mean? Why is there an implication that something actually did go wrong? As my Mum says, not everyone can win. And it’s okay not to get the gold. Sometimes a person does the best they can, or maybe they feel like they could have done better, but suggesting that something went wrong is such a cop-out. What answer are they expecting?
“Well I got a massive wedgie at the halfway mark and was so distracted I couldn’t concentrate on what I was doing.”
It’s not a question that needs to be asked as there is most likely no answer, and I imagine it would just make the athlete feel like they weren’t good enough. Like losing needs to be justified, or someone/something needs to be blamed for their “loss” instead of “well the person who beat me ran/swam/rowed/dove/kayaked better than me today.”
Oh, and another one I just heard:
“If you had your time again, what would you do?
Answer: “I wouldn’t do this interview.”
6 months ago…
… I wrote this post. This post was about changing a few things in my life that I felt were holding me back and getting me down. I had a good attitude and was motivated to make those changes.
2 weeks later, I broke my foot, and everything kind of turned to crap. I couldn’t exercise, and I continued chewing my nails out of frustration and anxiety. The good news is, my hair is getting nice and long (which means I want to cut it off again!!!) and one of the “other things” that I was hoping would happen was that I’d be pregnant, which I am. The faith thing is still somewhere in the middle, but I’m getting there.
The only thing that I feel is still really keeping me in limbo, is not knowing where we’ll be next year, but as I mentioned, we’ll know that very soon.
I know I’m definitely in a better place with how I feel about my body, especially now that I’m in my second trimester. I feel stronger and (ever so slightly) fitter, and know that the more exercise I can fit in, in the next 6 months, the better my pregnancy and recovery will. I know it will also help me to prepare for our new life next year – the move, the baby, the settling in – our life certainly is never dull!
So. That was my last 6 months. Let’s see what the next 6 months has to offer!
London 2012
Something awoke me at 4:17am this morning. Was it Chanbe? I don’t think so. Was it the possum that lives in the roof? Perhaps? Or was it my subconscious telling me that the Olympics were on TV and that I should take my doona out to the couch and watch some coverage? Yeah, I think that was it.
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it before, but I LOVE the Olympics. When I heard that Sydney was getting the 2000 Olympics, I knew I had to be there. I volunteered at the hockey and had the most amazing time, both at the hockey (we got to see a lot of games) as well as other events. In 2008, we had just moved to Melbourne, and I scored a temp job in the Channel 7 call centre, and got to see a lot of the coverage. I actually have a friend competing over in London in the swimming (go Brenton Rickard!!!) who did really well in Beijing (2 silver medals) and made it into the final of his first event in London, (100m breaststroke) which I watched at 5:10am this morning. (He came 6th, with team mate Christian Sprenger doing a great job getting the silver medal. Brenton’s world record that he’d held for 3 years also fell this morning.)
I just get so nervous and excited for all the athletes competing and wish we had foxtel so I could watch whatever I wanted. I’d love to see more hockey in particular, but that is up to the powers that be at Channel 9. So I watched over 4 hours of coverage this morning, (mostly swimming) and had my morning sleep after that. Hee hee! This whole staying-with-my-parents-so-I-can-watch-the-olympics-while-they-babysit thing is sweeeeeeeet!
Oh, and Hubs is coming up for a visit in a few days which will be really lovely. It’s going to be a great couple of weeks!
Waiting for my real life to begin
Ever felt that way? Like you’re waiting for all the busy-ness and craziness to “settle down” (there’s those words again) so you can just get on with things? I don’t know if you’ve heard this song by Colin Hay, but if not, it’s worth a little listen. The song was used in an episode of Scrubs so you may recognise it from that.
I listen to this song (a lot), not with feelings of wanting or wishing, but of nostalgia and excitement. I know that the life I am living is great, I just know that it will also get even better. In a month’s time, Hubs and I will know where we will be spending his intern year, and perhaps his first year as a resident. And after that, even though I know it’s going to be a hard slog, the world is our oyster.
And you say “be still my love”
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in
Don’t you understand?
I already have a plan
I’m waiting for my real life to begin
One of those days
You know the ones. Where you’re sitting in your back yard in the sun, the smell of bbq in the air, surrounded by friends and good vibes? Yeah. Yesterday was one of those days. We had some good friends (fellow medical student and family) stay with us for a few days this week, and yesterday, another med student and family (happens to be Chanbe’s Godmum) came up to visit for the day. So there we were. 3 med students, 3 foxy wives, and 4 adorable children; sun, bbq, beers… what more could a gal ask for?
Hubs and I are still winding down after our whirlwind few weeks, but we are getting there and loving it. I said to Hubs on our walk today, how funny life can be sometimes. I mean, what are the odds of him choosing to start med in the exact same year as 3 other guys, who are all mature age students, and who, along with their families, have become such a huge part of our lives in such a short time. It sounds super cheesy, but it was meant to be. I truly believe that.
We are so fortunate to have such genuine, loving, caring, outrageously fun people in our lives, and I hope, in 10 years time, we find ourselves sitting in someone’s backyard, reminiscing of good times gone by. I have a good feeling it’s going to happen…
We have arrived
It’s Friday night, Hubs and Chanbe are having a shower, I’m drinking a glass of milk, and all is right with the world. As I mentioned 6 days ago, things were going to be better in 6 days. Today they are better. In fact, things are the best they have been in months. Hubs and I are smiling. And not in the strained “we just need to get through the next few months/weeks/days” way we have been smiling this year. We are happy. We are relaxed. We are (almost) ourselves again. And I really can’t express how good that feels.
You see, this week has been pretty sh*t. (Sorry, but it has). Hubs has been away in Shepparton for exams since Sunday afternoon, so I have been solo-parenting this whole week, and after this experience, all I can say is that I have even more admiration for full-time single parents. Oh wow. Seriously. It was hard work. Especially since I hate staying at home on my own. But I’ve known this week was coming for a long time, so I did a lot of mental preparation. I didn’t want to spend the whole week anxious and scared, so I started focussing on the positives, and rationalising to myself that there really was nothing to fear.
And you know what? It worked. Chanbe and I actually had a really great week. I made sure I had things to do each day to keep us occupied (including taking a train down to Kilmore to pick up the car and drive it home – turned out the alternator crapped itself and it didn’t cost as much as we were thinking. Woo!) and I just really focussed on keeping positive and realistic about my expectations.
Sunday to Wednesday were quite challenging with Chance waking up every night for an hour or so for no particular reason (he probably missed his Dadda) and not having particularly long naps during the day. Wednesday was my mental “hump day” – if I could get to Wednesday without cracking, I could get to Friday. Wednesday was a really great day, with playgroup in the morning and haircuts in the afternoon – one of the mums in my mothers group is my hairdresser so I go to her house and our boys play together while we cut, colour and chat. I was there for over 2 hours and it was so lovely. By the time we got home, it was just about dinner/bath/bed time which was great.
And each night I had something to look forward to – I watched 5 or 6 episodes of Sex and the City every night. It was very decadent. I decided I was going to do 1 load of washing a day, but as far as other housework went, I was giving myself the week off. No pressure, no guilt, no worries. And it really worked for me. By the time Thursday came around, I was on the home stretch and I really enjoyed myself. I topped the week off with a night out with my mothers group where we went out to dinner, had dessert and laughed so hard we got a stitch. It was so therapeutic.
So after my week off from housework and good sleep, I made up for it today. Chanbe went to childcare at 8:30am, I came home and slept from 9:30-12:30, then did housework til Hubs came home at 3. And the hug I got from him when he walked in the door was one of our best hugs ever. We had made it. We had gotten through the toughest time of our marriage to date, and we were on the other side. Damn it’s good to be here 🙂
Not according to plan
As I mentioned yesterday, our weekend just gone didn’t go exactly to plan. I headed down to Melbs on my own on Friday evening to attend a celebrant professional development session on the Saturday. When I was getting ready to go, I just had this feeling that I really wanted to stay home, and since I’m not generally very intuitive, it intrigued me that I felt such a strong pull to stay home. But we decided I was just being silly, and I just didn’t want to go because it was cold and dark. I headed off around 6pm and stayed with our good friends (Chanbe’s Godmum and her family) and had a lovely evening catching up with them all Friday night.
Saturday morning I headed to the PD session, and although it was okay, it wasn’t as good as previous years. I told Hubs that it probably wasn’t worth me coming down for, but nonetheless, it was done and I was on my way home just after 3pm.
At 4pm, my engine warning light came on and the car lost power so I had to pull over. On the Hume Highway. At 110km/hr. Not scary, just annoying. I gave the car a few minutes, started it up again and took off. Only a few hundred meters down the road, it happened again. Damn. I called Hubs and he suggested a couple of things that I tried, but after the third time, I called roadside assistance. They were out within about 30 mintues and determined that it was an electrical problem and that I had to get the car towed.
Damn damn DAMN!!!! It was 5pm by this stage and I was in a bit of a state. I was still about 200km from Wang so I couldn’t get it towed there, so we decided to tow it to Kilmore and I’d try and get home on the train. Thankfully there was a train leaving from Broadford (just near where I was broken down) at 6:30pm to connect me with the 7:30pm train from Seymour to get me home by 9pm. The truck came at 6pm, dropped me off at the train station and thankfully all the connections worked out well. The train didn’t get in until 9:40pm, so I was home just before 10pm, in time to sing Happy Birthday to Hubs.
So here I am, with my car in Kilmore, and a phone number for the auto-electrician to call tomorrow. I’m hoping SO much that it’s not going to cost too much, but I guess it’ll be what it’ll be. The irony? I was going to book the car in for a service THIS WEEK to get it checked out before our big trip to Adelaide in a couple of weeks. But maybe it wouldn’t have been picked up in a general service. Who knows?
The only thing I know is, it could have been so much worse. I’m so glad that a) it didn’t happen on my way TO Melbourne the night before in the dark; b) it happened in an area that I had mobile and internet service; and c) it happened when Chanbe wasn’t in the car with me. Not exactly what I needed at this time, but you know. It happens.
Predictive text
“Quilt love to arse some puppies” wrote my smartphone. What it was meant to say?
“Would love to see some photos.”
Yeah, close Mr Android, but no cigar.
I see the light
As you know, the last couple few 6 months have been hard. I’ve probably struggled more in this time than I have for years. There have been lots of low points for me, yet at my core, I have been happy. Does that make sense? I have been happy with my greater life, just not the day-to-day stuff. Not the little things. And it’s the little things that can really add up.
Tonight, for the first time since I can remember, I felt a twinge of hope. I felt like all the stuff I’ve been going through is building up to something good, and I can finally see it. It’s not in the far distant future where it has been hiding for so long. It’s there. I can see it. I can almost feel it.
In 6 days time, things are going to be better. I know this at my core. I finally believe it. I just have to get through these next 6 days, which is not going to be easy, for reasons I will elaborate on next weekend.
So if you believe in prayer, please send some my way, as I’m going to need them this week. I’ll see you on the other side 🙂