Category: Stuff

Sometimes it’s all I need to do

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There’s a common belief going round about how, if you think you’re a crap mum, you’re actually not because the fact that you feel overwhelming guilt about being impatient with your 6-year-old, or feeling terrible about yelling at your 4-year-old, or getting so upset when your 2-year-old throws something ELSE off the deck, means you care. It means you want to do better. It means you will try harder the next day. It means you will read your kids their bed time stories even though your tank is empty and you still have to clean the kitchen and make the next day’s lunches. And it means you’ll tuck them in to bed with huge cuddles and unlimited kisses and your heart will burst and you will vow to try harder tomorrow.

There are some moments where I honestly feel like the worst mum in the world but I know that these moments pass and my kids are very forgiving and they teach me so much every day and I do vow to try harder every day.

I’m scared to admit that I’m struggling at the moment. School pick up is particularly hard when I have to take Darby. He’s a runner, but up until today I had it all under control. Today he decided that my threats of leaving and statements of “okay bye Darby” were empty. He called my bluff and didn’t stop running down the hill. I could feel the tears coming as I tried to run after him, with my heavy belly and weak bladder, and I’m so glad that the car park he ran into was quiet, and that it was a dead end.

Back in the safety of my car, after carrying him back up the hill, the tears flowed freely. It’s a daily occurrence at the moment. I call it my daily cry and it just seems to be a part of this pregnancy’s third trimester. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I also know that I will find a way.

As my dear friend reminded me today, only 11 more pick-ups to go before I get a break for two weeks. And in that time I will definitely be putting some plans in place to help with pick-ups in term two.

This blog post was supposed to be a short one about lunch boxes. Sometimes all I need to do is make the lunches and I feel a bit better. Like I’m slightly on top of things, even if it’s fleeting. I guess lunch boxes can really bring out the stuff that’s bubbling under the surface?

Who’da thunk it?

I am adult, hear me roar

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It sometimes feels like the more exhausted I am, the more I can get done. It’s that a thing?  It’s like I’m too tired to even try and talk myself out of doing the day to day stuff that is my life; like I’m so exhausted that I just keep going and going with one more thing before I collapse in a heap, that once I’ve finished X, Y, Z, I start right back at A, B, C. Because that’s what adulting is all about, right?

Washing? Done. Oh look! More washing!

Paperwork? Filed! Let me just flick through these papers I found on the fridge. More filing!

Bills? Paid! Let me just check the letterboxohmygoodnessyou’rekiddingmeratesagain?????

It never stops does it? And that’s okay. That’s life. 80% of the time I can totally handle it. Like tonight. This weekend has been huge. As mentioned we had a pretty big crowd over on Friday night and at 7:30am Saturday morning, our friend the carpenter turned up to start work on the ensuite frame. Not that we knew – after not getting to bed until after midnight we had put cartoons on for the kids at 7 and promptly gone back to sleep! Until 8:30! Turns out Chance let him in (he knows he very well) Ha ha. Lucky he knows how to make himself at home!

I took the kids out for the morning and lunch while the boys worked away and then there were post-work beers from 2 til 4.30pm. I hadn’t even started cleaning up from the night before, and now there was sawdust all over the kitchen and floor as well as the dozens of glasses on the deck table and dirty dishes overflowing in the sink.

Somehow we had another late night last night (watched the new Tarzan movie. Ummm I kind of LOVED IT but didn’t want to go on about it to Hubs!! Ha!) And then we spent the morning and lunch and early arvo at Yeppoon with friends. Another huge day and I still had the groceries to buy/get home/put away.

Needless to say (then why say it!??) by 7:10pm I was thrilled that the kids were in bed but the tasks ahead of me were daunting.

Clean the kitchen (I was still catching up from yesterday!), make school lunch, bring in washing (look! More washing!) And blog.

“Just one hour, Wifey. That’s all it will take.” And I was pretty spot on too. I was walking down the stairs at 8pm to get the washing off the line.

And although I’m exhausted, getting back to my original point, I’m still thinking I could get a few more things done before I crash on the couch with a tub of Pineapple Chobani yoghurt (on special again this week!) and a bit of Parks and Recreation.

I think I’ve earned it, don’t you?

Parenting is…

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…when you have hung out three loads of washing and the kids are upstairs playing with Hubs and you realise you could get away with sneaking a chocolate Paddlepop ice cream from the fridge downstairs and take 5 minutes to sit down and enjoy it, only to hear your daughter calling you when you’re halfway through it and she comes downstairs to find you so you have to gulp down the second half of said ice cream and give yourself a brain freeze in the process.

It’s also giggly cuddles with this guy

It’s learning how to braid hair and finally starting to get the hang of it

It’s feeling your heart burst when you watch your oldest looking out for his sister and brother

There’s absolutely nothing that can prepare you for parenting. No books, no warnings, no friendly advice. It’s not until you’ve experienced the utmost highs and the deathly lows that you really get what is it all about. Some days I just want to hide away and not deal with the kids at all. But honestly every single day I can look back at at least one joyful thing that happened. Even if it only lasted a moment.

Today’s thing was reading to the kids at the end of a huge day/weekend. Quinn took herself off to bed after the first book. Then Darby fell asleep in my arms while Chance and I read a book together. That moment with just the two of us (and a snoring Darby) was quite lovely and definitely something I soaked up.

That and the chocolate Paddlepop.

It’s the little things.

Getting back into it

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Since Christmas and our holiday and then my chest cold hit, there hasn’t been a lot of fit mum’s action I’m afraid. And I’m afraid to get back into it tomorrow! Ha ha. Except not really. I’m super keen, but I know the first week is going to be a hard slog.

I’ve been here before, sure, so here’s my top 5 tips for getting back into it after a bit of time off.

1. Just do it. I know that the longer I leave it the harder it will be so just do it.

2. Plan to walk in between sessions. Fit mum’s is now on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings (used to be only 2 mornings per week) which I’m so excited about. I’ve been trying to push a bit harder with the weights over the last few months, which means I’m pretty sore in between sessions. I really need to make a big effort to go for a walk on Tuesdays, Thursdays and a weekend day just to keep things loose.

3. Fuel my body better. I know that I feel better when I eat certain foods and avoid others. Breakfast is especially important at this time!

4. Be accountable. I’ve told people I’m going to be there and I’ve lined Hubs up for school drop off in the morning.

5. Plan for it. I’ve discussed the week with Hubs and he happens to have two of the mornings off this week so I’ll be child free which means I can really concentrate on getting the best out of my workout.

So that’s it folks. It’s not rocket science. Just hard work that is always worth it in the end!

Reflecting on 2016

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What a year! It was a new experience for us to be spending a second year in the same town, and soon to be a third year. Normally we would spend the first few months setting up the house and the final month packing it all up again. Although we were spared that inconvenience, it was replaced by the renovating work we had done which was quite an undertaking, but well worth it in the end, as I’m sure you’ll agree.

So would I do anything differently? Well sure I would, but instead of regretting what could have been, I shall be taking a different approach to a few things in the new year.

Firstly, and I feel most importantly, I spent far too much time this year worrying about my weight. After achieving some pretty awesome goals the previous year thanks to fit mums, I spent much of this year feeling like I wasn’t working hard enough/eating well enough/being good enough because I hadn’t continued with my super healthy eating and very active lifestyle. It just wasn’t sustainable, the way I had approached it, and I soon found that I was comparing myself to the other mums in the class and just not measuring up, so to speak.

Which is total BS and a huge waste of emotional energy.

BUT I didn’t stop attending classes, and even though I don’t feel like I ever quite got back “on track” I certainly am proud of myself for not throwing in the towel. I have come into my fourth pregnancy fitter and healthier than my previous two pregnancies which I’m very pleased about, and I shall continue with my exercise throughout the next 20 weeks of it, and beyond.

So for the new year, no more comparing myself to anyone else. I’m on my own journey which has nothing to do with anyone but me and my immediate family, who, by the way, love me and are proud of me no matter what. Comparison is the thief of joy, and I don’t intend to lose any joy this year for no good reason.

My goal this year was:

To be calm and organised with my family, to ensure a happy and healthy home. 

I definitely need to work on the “calm and organised” parts of that statement as I carry it into the new year. I have already started meal planning which actually does help me feel more calm, especially while I’m doing the weekly shop.

We have one more year in Rockhampton before we most likely move on, and I plan to make it our best year yet. With a new addition to the family due in May, it’s going to be chaotic, but I am learning to embrace that chaos and certainly endeavor to not take my day-to-day life so seriously.

Anyway, I’m sitting on my deck trying to write this while Darby is trying to “help” me (he keeps taking the mouse away or bashing his Octonaut on the keyboard) so I’ll leave it there. Just a few musings for you on the last day of 2016. See you in the new year!

Uninstall

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I’ve uninstalled facebook on my phone. And I already feel a little better.

I have become such a slave to my phone and I honestly and truly hate it, but I lack the willpower to just put it down and walk away from it. This is the only way, and it is good. The funny thing is, I did without fb for years and years and survived, but now that I’m on it, the thought of it being taken away makes me nervous.

What if I miss something?

What if people don’t read my blog and they miss something?

WHAT IF IT DOESN’T MATTER!??????

I don’t know. There must be a happy medium with it all. But I’m not exactly what you would call good at moderation. I know it takes practice and persistence and motivation, and quite frankly, with three kids and a bunch of renos going on, I’m lucky to remember to put on pants in the morning, so I just don’t have the energy to add to my workload for now.

I believe that’s a fair call.

I just did a really long blink that lasted a solid minute. Lucky I’m not driving.

Better hit the sack. And I don’t care if I miss anything tonight.

My Super Powers

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I entered a competition a few months ago and the prize was a DC Super Hero Girls cape. All you had to do was leave a comment about what super power you would choose to possess.

My response went like this:

I’d love to have to power to wake up each morning in a good mood, regardless of the lack of sleep, jump out of bed enthusiastically, and start my day with a smile.
Maybe it would be easier to fly…. ?

And would you believe, I won a cape! Quinny loves putting it on and being my little super hero.

Funnily enough, I’ve thought a bit about my response since then. Not long after this competition, we started our new morning routine, and it was so great. We did that for a few months, between trips to Brisbane, and I actually never minded getting up. I wouldn’t exactly say I jumped out of bed full of energy and eager to start the day, but I certainly wasn’t as cranky as I used to be, and was happier in our new routine.

Then we spent 6 weeks away from home and things kind of went out the window a bit. Mum got up with the kids most mornings while I stayed at Woody Pt, and Hubs got up with the kids most days on our holiday. Since we got back to home sweet home, the sun has been getting up much earlier, as have the kids.

Like 5am early. This is not sitting well with me. Don’t make me do it. Don’t make me be that person who gets up at a time that begins with a 5. The people who do that are crazy. Okay, not crazy. Admirable. But I don’t want to be one of those people!! I just don’t! Hubs keeps saying “I guess we are those early to bed, early to rise people now.” I’ve been going to bed around 9-9:30pm and I hate going to bed that early, and missing out on “my time.” But I seriously cannot keep my eyes open after that!

5am. Seriously kids. Get your body clocks sorted, will you??

Between a rock and a dumb place

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Tell me it’s not just me. I seem to spend most of my time going back and forth between two extremes and can’t find any middle ground.

Example 1: Between a rock and a messy place
I’m either completely on top of the housework and feeling really motivated and pumped about it and determined to keep the house tidy and in order, the washing done and the kitchen table clear; I see the value in it, and how it frees me up to do more things with the kids. OR I’m saying “life’s too short to worry about keeping the house tidy!” I currently have a loungeroom overflowing with rummaged-through suitcases and odds and ends from our roadtrip that I need to put away, but Hubs has the day off and we have no kids, so all I want to do is go and drink coffee with him and stare into his eyes and without being interrupted every 4.2 seconds. Where’s the middle ground????

Example 2: Between a rock and a drunk place
 I’m either all but completely abstaining from alcohol and focused on eating well and keeping active (like this time last year). OR I’m knocking back wine on a nightly basis and am feeling seedy more mornings than not! On the one hand, I love feeling fresh and seeing the results of hard work and motivation to be healthy, but on the other hand, drinking wine is relaxing and fun and social and lets me be an adult (or not, ha ha) and gives me a sense of release. I know the middle ground here is to just have a couple of glasses on the weekend to unwind, but I’ve just gotten into this habit of drinking again.

They are probably the two biggest things that I am obsessing over at the moment, and it’s all taking up WAY too much of my time and brain space. So here’s today’s middle ground. Do one hour of unpacking, go out for coffee with Hubs, do some shopping and tidying when I get home, then switch the part of my brain off and just BE with the kids. So if you don’t mind, I have some unpacking to do.

Thrilling and fantastic

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Wow. Just wow. The last couple of weeks have been very challenging for me as a mum. Our sweet little princess, Quinderella as Dadda likes to call her, has been going through some interesting changes lately. I think puberty has hit early. Seriously, this girl has got the moods like Jager-bombs. She has had a few absolute doozies lately, and most of those outbursts have been in public. I think it’s partly because we are winding back her day sleeps and she’s just not as well-rested, particularly in the afternoons, as she used to be.

The thrilling threes are sure giving me a run for my money.

I was telling my friend the other day that I’m just not feeling properly equipped in my parenting skills to handle this behaviour at the moment, so I’ve been doing some reading and some asking around to get some help. That’s what being a parent is about; we’re all in this together, so we might as well share the wisdom around.

And I don’t know if it’s just because we were getting used to cruising along with Chance, but he is in the throes of some pretty fantastic-five behaviour right now. His aren’t so much outbursts, as they are complete meltdowns. This kid is not handling disappointment well at all. I’m figuring it comes with being the first in line to the throne. He got used to getting his way for a long time, and now there’s serious competition with pretty much everything and it’s getting in the way of how things used to be. I’m trying to get some one-on-one time with him, playing Lego or doing something he likes to do, also being mindful of not rewarding bad choices.

Ugh the balance is so damn hard! We are bombarded regularly with awful stories of parents losing children to sickness or accidents; them telling us to hold our kids close, and not to sweat the small stuff and to chose our battles. But then on the other hand, if kids have no boundaries, they can become pretty feral very quickly. I honestly feel so stuck between wanting to “let it go” and chose fewer battles with them, and seeing them fall into bad behaviour patterns very quickly because I was relaxed about something the night before.

Anyway, I think I went a bit off topic there.

One thing I do try and be mindful is language, hence the “thrilling threes” and “fantastic fives.” It started when a friend of mine spoke about her son going through the “terrific twos.” The language helps. Thank goodness Darby hasn’t hit the terrific twos just yet. It will be here soon enough I’m sure. For now though, he is super chilled and friggin’ hilarious with  his antics. Oh boy he makes me laugh. Such a clown.

Any pearls of wisdom to be shared about how to manage a firey, determined, defiant little Miss 3, and an emotional, sensitive Master 5 would be much appreciated!

It’s a little bit funny

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… this feeling inside.

Ha! I love that Cleaver Green (aka Rake) is The Duke from Moulin Rouge. Classic stuff. By the way, how awesome is Rake??

Wow, already at a tangent. This is going to be interesting. And I haven’t even been drinking…

To start with, here are three things I am utterly failing at, at the moment. You know just to kick things off:

1. I’m struggling with the balance of being a “fun Mama” and discipline. I really need to work on letting more things go, and focusing on the more important, lesson-learning things; things that will actually make a difference to Chance and Quinn’s behaviour. I guess that’s the challenge of parenting kids at such different ages. I’m trying to teach them all about consequences but I have to do it in three different ways. So I guess I’m not failing as such, I’m merely learning. Just like them.

2. Napping. Man I used to be able to nap like a pro and now I just can’t. I can do a mean sleep-in (just ask Hubs) but when it comes to a quick kip during the day, I fail hard, even if I haven’t had a coffee as yet. I’ve even tried my coffee/nap/coffee 3-punch combo, to no avail. I was right on the verge of drifting off yesterday while Darby was having a sleep, but I woke myself up with thoughts of him spontaneously having stopped breathing so I got up and checked. Yeah, that still happens. Then it was all over red rover. Hubs thinks it must be because I’m getting “so much sleep during the night.” So adorable.

3. Deciding what to wear each day. This is just embarrassing. I have severe decision fatigue over my wardrobe and I really struggle each morning to choose my clothes. Though, I did have a win on Tuesday morning when I threw on an outfit that I’d never worn and ummed and ahhhed for about 5 minutes and was going to change because I wasn’t sure how I looked and then I thought “stuff it” and walked out the door, and actually got complimented by 4 people at playgroup. I should just go with my gut like this more often!

There is a lot going on around here at the moment, with house plans being approved, loans being finalised (we hope!) and looking into job possibilities for Hubs for next year (tis the season!) but we are all plodding along nicely. The kids are going great-guns, and I’m feeling pretty cruisey, even with my above-mentioned shortcomings. It’s
small stuff and I’m trying not to sweat it.

And to end with, here are three things I’m doing well at the moment:
1. Not drinking booze
2. Not snacking on crap food
3. Exercising regularly

Boom. Done. Now for a cuppa.