Coffee and regret

April 17, 2016 / Renae / 2 Comments

Oh it’s been a weekend. I’m currently in the middle of a 4 week challenge with my fit mums group, and I’ve been quite strict with my food and drink consumption, particularly when it comes to alcohol and bread – I have a “no booze during the week” rule and have been limiting myself to a glass of wine or 2 at the most on weekend nights, and have pretty much cut out bread for the time being.

Except for this weekend just gone. We had an impromptu dinner with friends on Friday night, as we were preparing for our neighbourhood yard sale Saturday morning. Being Friday night I thought I’d have a glass of wine, which turned into 3 glasses and a cherry vodka. And 3 huge slices of garlic bread with my dinner. It’s true that when I deprive myself of things, I can really go overboard when I allow it back into my diet.

So after a horrid night with Darby, I felt incredibly seedy yesterday morning, and what does one do when they feel seedy? That’s right. I ate crap. Thankfully there wasn’t much to choose from in the house as I know what I can be like – it’s better to just not have it around – but my lovely neighbour brought over some chocolate slice and that undid me. And then there was freshly bake bread with our BBQ lunch which I threw myself at with no thought of consequences.

You see, since cutting back on booze and bread substantially, I am no longer piss-fit nor carb-tolerant. And last night I had a serious sugar crash. Because I was already in so deep, however I finished off my 24 hours of drunken scoffing with 2 pieces of pizza and another cherry vodka (on the rocks baby.)

So today, I shall be living on coffee and regret. But, unlike days gone by, I will not allow myself to dwell over it or punish myself, or think “well I’ve ruined it now, so I might as well just forget about it and eat some more.” Along with my coffee, I’ll be eating lots of fruit and veges, and I’m about to go for a big old walk down to Woollies to do our weekly shop. Because I know that one bad 24 hours does not define my lifestyle. I had a great time, enjoyed some very yummy food, and can now move onwards and upwards.

10 things on the 10th

April 10, 2016 / Renae / 3 Comments

You know how there are some things in life that always stay with you and you remember them at the most random, weird times? Here’s a few that I’m sure the other people involved, wouldn’t recall them ever happening, but for some strange reason, have always been at the back of my mind. Bear with me here.

My school nurse telling me that I wasn’t fat. And me not believing her. I was 17 and I went to see the school nurse because I was convinced I was terribly overweight (I wasn’t. Maybe just a bit chubby…). I remember telling her “I’m here to talk about my weight” and she said “do you think you’re too skinny?”. I see what she was trying to do now, and I appreciate her not taking it too seriously. I just wish I could have believed her.
I made a brunch booking for a big group of us at a small cafe (I was about 25) and then we changed the venue the day before and I forgot to cancel the other booking. They rang me half an hour after we hadn’t shown up and I lied and said I had called the day before to cancel it. Then the manager rang me after that to say they had been turning people away because of my booking. I felt so so awful about it. I relive the moment and imagine what I could have done instead.
A family friend saying to me, at the age of 14 “you’re going to be a terrible mum.” Because I kept picking up my cousin whenever she wanted me to (hey Sarah!!) who was 1 at the time. Turns out they were wrong though 🙂
Hearing a doctor say something like “more kids die of choking on chicken bones than of asthma”. I had pretty bad asthma as a kid, and I’m sure the comment was meant to make me feel better, but it just made me paranoid about eating chicken.
When I was 17 I put my hair in 2 little pigtails with cute little scrunchies as I was getting ready for school. And just as I got to the school gate, I took them out because I was worried I wasn’t cool enough to wear my hair in 2 pigtails. Oh how I wish I could tell 17 year old me that I was totally cool enough!
I was giving my cousin a ride on my shoulders (I was probably 18?) and I thought my brother was behind me said that he had him so I leant back and my cousin and I fell over. Now that I have kids, this memory makes me cringe. No one got hurt, but I was so nervous about that kind of thing for a long time.
I was visiting my friend in Sydney and we caught a cab home with one of her colleagues/bosses and I asked her “so are you still looking at jobs in Brisbane? When are you hoping to move back??” And it turns out she hadn’t told anyone at work she was going to leave. She moved back not long after 🙂
Being told when I was pregnant with Chance that even though having a baby isn’t easy, having ONE baby is a piece of cake compared to having 2 or 3 or more. That was a game changer for me and a great way to go in to year 1 of motherhood.
Being left out of a game at a friend’s birthday party because it was a dice game and there were 7 kids. I remember being pushed out of the circle and told I couldn’t play. I would have been 6 and it was in Dimbulah where I spent a lot of my childhood.
Being convinced for a very long time (maybe 8 years?) that I had alzheimers disease because I didn’t have a very good memory. What can I say? Hypochondria ran strongly through my veins. My mum even let me get tested when I was about 17 or so, but I was still convinced for a while after that. Such a weirdo.

So there you go. Nothing earth-shattering, mostly random ramblings, and I’m hoping now that I’ve got it out of my head, maybe I can move on from these things? Time will tell.

Happy Easter

March 28, 2016 / Renae / Leave a comment

We have a tradition in our house of giving Lego for, well, pretty much all occasions. And Easter is no exception! We have our friends Kate, Liam and Alex visiting for the week and it’s always more fun with other kids (and another adult) around!

We started off with an Easter Egg hunt in the back yard

Then it was time to find the colour-coded packets of Lego in the front yard.

Then the next hour or two was bliss for both adults and kids 🙂

We headed to the botanic gardens after that to feed the ducks and have a run around

Two foxy ladies 😉

It’s just so nice having another adult around and the kids are having a great time together. Looking forward to the rest of the week.

When love came to town

March 2, 2016 / Renae / Leave a comment

Hubs and I have lived in many cities and towns together. Starting off in Brisbane, where we met, fell in love and got married, we then headed south to Melbourne. Then came Wangaratta, Mount Beauty, back to Wang, then north to Townsville, Ingham and Mount Isa, and finally Rockhampton.

Looking at this list now, I can tell you that into our lives have come kindred spirits, unexpected connections, small-world coincidences, and four top-class Godparents. We are blessed, we are grateful and I like to think we do not take these blessings for granted.

So when an opportunity comes along to see one or more of these fine people (like on our recent trip to Melbourne) we grab it with both hands.

Enter The Godfather.

We struck up a friendship with Felix in Mount Isa very early on through a friend of a friend (I think!?) I still remember the first time I met him – it was at the races, and I had no idea that this was the beginning of a very special friendship.

One thing that really draws us to people is when they are interested in doing things spontaneously and we found ourselves going 4WDriving with an hour’s notice and it was great. Then there were the Saturday morning garage sale ventures where Hubs and Felix would go and “look at some stuff” with the kids on a Saturday morning while I had a sleep in. This would be followed by brunch and maybe even plans for Sunday would be made. And of course the kids grew to love uncle Felix.

So when Darby-doo came along, it was not a hard choice or Godparents. We had already become friends with Sonia in Townsville and had all moved out to the Isa together. We were a strong support for each other, especially in this early weeks and months, and when we found out we would be in Rockhampton together I almost burst with excitement.

So en route to his new soon-to-be home town of Orange, Felix decided to pop in and stay for a couple of nights. It was so nice having him around to play with the kids, and they fell in love with him all over again. And I just loved having one of our little crews back together, albeit only for a moment.

Honestly I’m just feeling so grateful right now for all the incredible people in our lives.

Holding an ice-cream-eating toddler while wearing a white shirt? Now that’s love. (And Napi-San a couple of hours later…)

Offering and being excited to come to playgroup, AND getting crafty with the kids.

Getting the Godparents back together in the same town again!

Coming to watch Chance get his special prep award.

Reading at storytime (so I don’t have to.)

Buying a completely adorable outfit at an op shop.

For these reasons and so many more, it has been a simply marvellous couple of days around here. I look forward to the next reunion!

Two steps forward, one step back

February 22, 2016 / Renae / Leave a comment

Old habits are funny aren’t they? Just when you think you’ve got them licked, they slowly, subtly sneak back into your life. I created some pretty kick-arse habits last year; exercising regularly, not drinking booze during the week and only a glass of wine or 2 on weekends, not finishing off the kids meals so as not to “waste” food, only having dessert when it was a real treat; lots of positive self-talk… the list goes on.

Actually, one of the biggest things that I finally intellectualized was that the food will always always be there. I don’t have to have it all now. That was a bit of a turning point for me, and something that I haven’t been saying to myself enough in the last few months.

From the end of November until now, I have celebrated the following:
Chance’s birthday
Our wedding anniversary
Darby’s birthday
Christmas
New Years
My birthday
Quinn’s birthday
A week in Melbourne with Hubs and no kids

And so yeah, what can I say? The odd glass of wine turned into a few cold ciders on a hot summer day or a bottle of bubbly shared with Hubs; the desserts were plentiful, the dishes were rich, and the desire to consume was strong in this one.

I wouldn’t say I fell off the wagon per se, but I have noticed things creeping back into my life that I thought I wouldn’t be doing again, and because of that, pants are feeling tighter, clothes aren’t fitting as nicely, and that number that I really try not to obsess over is making me unhappy.

But. BUT. Oh there’s a but. I am aware, and I certainly haven’t a) gone back to those bad habits in any extreme way (ie I’m not reaching for food when I’m emotional) and b) I’m focusing on how far I have come and celebrating my health and being grateful for it. I’m trying not to panic which is what old me would do, and start reaching for the chocolate/ice cream/name your poison to cope. I refuse to go back to being fat and unfit. I’m not going back there. I’m so sick of starting over so this time I’m NOT quitting. I’m so pleased I have kept up the exercise through all of this – it has been such a saviour for me. I just need to add a few more days of it each week.

Losing weight and getting healthy are words we throw around daily, but it’s in that moment of holding the cake in your hand, or being offered a glass of wine on a Tuesday night, or finishing off the last bits of something so as not to waste it that can really make or break me. And I know from 2 decades of experience in trying to/succeeding to lose weight, that it’s those small decisions every day that make the difference.

When anyone starts on a weight-loss/get healthy journey, and people start noticing, I think it almost makes it harder. It’s like, you know they’re watching you now, and you want to continue with your success as it makes them so happy and proud of you! My sister-in-law made comments along those lines when we hung out over Christmas, and it’s so true.

I’m not here to make any grand statements or affirmations, but just as more of a “hello and I’m struggling a little bit with my body and my brain at the moment but that’s okay because there is a way forward.” I just have to find my sweet spot again.

Bring on the Fit Mums 6 week challenge!!

1000 words

February 11, 2016 / Renae / 1 Comment

Back to where it all began.

We’ve been in Melbourne for less than 48 hours and it feels like we never left. How is that possible? Since leaving the city almost six years ago, we have moved house seven times and had three kids. That’s a lot of life changes by anyone’s standards.

Maybe I just want to feel like I never left. This is a week of freedom for Hubs and I; to live it up and do whatever we please. We’ve been reminiscing like crazy and going to all our favourite places. Just like old times.

Moving to Melbourne was a real turning point in my life, and so much has happened because of that decision to move. Hubs broached the subject of him wanting to study down here when we first got together and I’m pretty sure my thoughts were “noooooooo! I don’t want to leave Brisbane! Nanny will be devastated!” Outwardly I would have been much cooler I’m sure.

Five months later, in May 2007, we took a trip down here “just to check it out”. Oh and Frith had his interview with Melbourne uni. After spending some time in the city, and meeting his gorgeous family down here, I was sold. I was also thinking a certain question might be popped during our visit, but he had other plans for that the following month.

A bit over a year later, at the end of a long, cold, amazingly fun trip down in the kombi, we arrived as husband and wife. And a few days later I started this blog. All of our highs and lows and in-betweens have been documented here. I never thought I would keep it up for so long but blogging is just a part of my life now. I had talked about starting a blog for months, but it wasn’t until we moved that I actually felt the urge to begin.

Melbourne changed me, and for the better I believe. It was time for me to get out on my own, with my new husband; my new family, by my side. We were a unit the two if us; in love, invincible; and in Melbourne.

The first six months were hard. I went from having social engagements every night in Brisbane, to no friends and nothing to do in Melbourne. Frith made friends easily through medicine, and while they knocked off at midday on a Friday and headed to the pub, I was working full time to support us. Resentment crept in. Jealousy tapped me on the shoulder. Feelings I never thought possible towards my shiny new, perfect husband surfaced.

For the most part I ignored those feelings; pushed them deep down and put on a smiling face. But a few too many wines would bring it all bubbling to the surface and everything would come pouring out. Once the booze wore off, and we were able to communicate like adults, Hubs would make me spill my guts. Everything. All my insecurities, my suspicions were all heard out and all reassured. We were still new at this thing called marriage. We had to work out our own path and figure out what worked for us.

Reality had set in and not all was perfect. But that’s what marriage is all about. Being perfect for each other, and doing the very best you can. Being your own person and not trying to be someone you’re not, just to please your spouse. I was trying to be everything Hubs wanted me to be, when all I had to do was to be myself. That’s who he fell in love with. The cat was well and truly out of the bag before we got married – he knew I wasn’t perfect and he loved me for it.

I just had to learn to love myself a little more. I had to figure out who I was without my family and friends around to define me. This took some time, and it turns out I’m still a work in progress. But I’ve learnt to love the process and the journey, and not just try and skip to the end result.

So as I walk around Melbourne now, dropping in on familiar places that feel like old friends, I remember Renae from 2008 and I reassure her that things are working out pretty well. I tell her that she and Hubs will never stop disagreeing on things, but that we always sort things out and get stronger. I tell her that even though she has to move around a lot, the adventures that follow make it worthwhile. I tell her to enjoy her sleep-ins and hot coffees, because once the kids come, they are the first things to go.

I tell her about the friends she will meet and the people who she will stay in touch with; it will surprise her who makes the effort to keep in contact. I tell her that she might want to stop at three children and not have four or five like they always talk about, but I know she’ll never believe me. I tell her how Hubs is a wonderful father but she already knows that.

I tell her that Nanny will never get to meet her great-granddaughter and that will upset her. A lot. Especially when her middle name is Maria, and she reminds her of Nanny everyday.

I tell her not to worry so much about what is to come; to trust Hubs more, as he always comes through with the goods. I remind her to tell Hubs everyday how much he is loved. He puts on a tough exterior, but, just like her, he needs to know.

So as I sit here staring at the bottom of another cup of coffee, waiting for Hubs to finish his GSSE, and wondering where life will take us next, I am grateful that we started our journey here in this beautiful city, full of incredible people and memories.

We’ll always have Melbourne.

Decisions decisions

February 4, 2016 / Renae / Leave a comment

Even though we’re more of a ‘good choice/not a good choice’ family, today’s post is about the decisions I’ve been making lately. You see, I’m not quite with it at the moment. Things are being forgotten or not carefully considered. Or not at all considered. Take Monday, for example. I decided that I could pop out at 2:50pm on foot, with the pram, to pick up my big prep boy. (Side note, if you ask him how school is going, be prepared to be corrected. It’s prep.) I decided that a few drops of rain was no big deal. I just wasn’s quite prepared for the deluge we got caught in, on the way home.

Then came Tuesday. It’s been absolutely positively sweltering up here as of late. Like, sweat dripping onto the dinner plate while eating hot. So gross. And rainy. Very very rainy. And stormy. So at 1pm on Tuesday, I’d had enough of the heat, and decided to ask my friend down the road what she was up to before ~~school~~ prep pick up and invited myself over to enjoy her air con. This was definitely a not-at-all-considered moment. The 500m walk down with Q & D in the pram went fine. 15 minutes later, the rain came. And boy did it come down hard. And all I could think while I was sitting there, keeping cool was THE WASHING! THE HOUSE WINDOWS! THE CAR WINDOWS! And I was powerless.

It’s the sort of thing I would get cranky at Hubs for doing – leaving everything wiiiiide open and going out.

And then there was last night. Did I mention it has been stormy? I had to go to the other side of town to meet up with a couple I’m marrying in a couple of months. It wasn’t raining when I left home, but by the time I was half way there, I was caught in a massive thunderstorm. Lightning, gusts of wind, torrential rain… I had to actually pull over at one stage as I couldn’t see anything in front of me. This is exactly the kind of weather one should not be driving in. I eventually arrived, got absolutely soaked, as I hadn’t considered bringing an umbrella, and then after our meeting was done, I had to politely ask if I could hang around until the storm eased off a bit.

It has been seriously crazy up here lately. I am very grateful that our roof got replaced before it all hit. We are supposedly in for a cool change tomorrow and over the weekend, which I’m really hoping will come to fruition as we are celebrating Quinny’s 3rd birthday then. And then it’s off to Melbourne for Hubs and I on the Tuesday.

Booking that trip was definitely a good decision.

When husbands help

January 20, 2016 / Renae / Leave a comment

In case you missed the news, Hubs is off for 3 weeks on study leave. Having him at home for this study can be tricky, as I can’t really help myself – if I know he’s there, I’ll offer him endless cups of tea or interrupt him for “just a sec” which is infuriating I’m sure when you’re in the study zone. So I’ve been trying very hard to just leave the house with the kids as much as possible.

The wonderful thing is, Hubs has been getting up with the kids in the morning and doing the breakfast shift while I catch a few more precious zzzz’s. But this morning, thing went a bit awry.

When you’re on your own most mornings from 7am, you get into certain routines with the kids; routines that are essential for getting out the ~~damn~~ door in the morning. On a kindy morning, this means getting up around 6am, having brekky together, cleaning up, packing lunches (if I haven’t done it the night before) (I never do it the night before. Wait… I think I did it once and thought “I should do 1this all the time!), packing kindy bags and heading out the door by 8am. Most of the time, we do it pretty well, but this morning was a disaster.

Hubs offered to walk the kids to kindy, but there was a lot more stuffing around and they didn’t set off until 8:30am, by which time Chance had started building something with his Lego and made it very clear that he did not want to go to kindy today.

After trying to negotiate, be understanding, talk about all the great things he would get to do, there was no budging him. Then the screaming and wailing and gnashing of teeth began.

It was not a smooth drop-off to say the least. Thankfully I got the “it’s all good” text half an hour later. This is what happens when we stray from the routine people!!

A day in the life

January 10, 2016 / Renae / 2 Comments

I didn’t plan to do this, but today I found myself whipping out my camera (read: phone) to take photos of nothing in particular and it turned into a bit of a day in the life of a (somewhat bored) stay at home mum. Enjoy!

Hard to see here but I was trying to get a photo of what Quinn dressed herself in this morning – fairy dress from Aunty Heather, brown shorts and black boots.

Then off to the Sunday markets for some fresh fruit and veges. Chance has decided lately that he is camera shy. Unlike Darby.

After that it was back home and while Darby napped, we cracked on with a bit of Lego Technic.

Things went a bit pear shaped when Darby woke up and C & Q were acting up a bit. I retreated to my bed with my baby for some cuddles and chuckles and also had a bit of a pity cry. Then it was selfie time.

See the puffy eyes? And of course Chanbe & Quinndy wanted in on the action.

I may have allowed myself a small smirk at this point and tried to turn it around. Next up was lunch and more playing, after which Darby went down for his big sleep (lucky thing) and the kids wanted to do some painting. Why not, I thought!

Then Chance all of a sudden remembered that we still had to build a model aeroplane which he gets to do whenever he sleeps in his big boy bed all night long. Let me clarify – I get to make it and he gets to play with it. The instructions assume a lot more talent than I possess but I must say I’m getting better with each one! This was today’s creation:

Impressed? He was too. It was then time to clean up the Duplo that was scattered everywhere but we ended up just playing with it for an hour. And I decorated the kids toy boxes with the day’s artwork. From this:

To this!

In the mean time, you could find Quinn walking around with her brown shorts and no top on, (“just like Dadda”) messy hair, talking on “her” phone making big business deals.

And Darby was just, you know, TAKING HIS FIRST STEPS!!!!! I did get a video of it but it goes for 2 minutes and it’s not actually that good but it was SO EXCITING! He did it for Hubs as soon as he got home from work which was lovely too.

And this is pretty much what things look like around here once Hubs gets home:

And after they have had their fill of mango, they are clearly not interested in the lovely dinner I have prepared for yet another evening and I am left wondering “why do I bother???” But then I remind myself that they filled up on mangoes and not chocolate so I get over it.

And then it may be time for stories.

The best part of the day? Has to be what’s waiting for me once the kids are in bed, asleep:

No not that! It’s this! Our neighbour makes the most amazing cheesecakes and he dropped off some leftovers.

Oooh yeah. So incredible and so needed after another “normal” day for me. I’m in a bit of a new year funk at the moment that I’m trying to shift out of. Hoping I get around to doing a few big things on my list this week. I hope you enjoyed your day 🙂

A five hour block

January 7, 2016 / Renae / Leave a comment

Last night it happened.

It’s been, at a guess, months since I had five hours of uninterrupted sleep. Months I tell you. And I gotta say, today I feel like a million bucks. Never in my wildest childless dreams would I ever have considered a 5 hour stretch of sleep something to celebrate. And then, as a bonus, after tending to Darby (still in the process of weaning!) I got another two or so hours. And it was all in the comfort of our king size bed with just Hubs and I, as Chanbe stayed in his big boy bed all night long.

The phrase “fresh as a daisy” springs to mind.

It got me thinking, what else I could achieve in an uninterrupted five hour block. This is what I’ve come up with:

I could unpack from our Christmas holiday and find a place for everything;

I could tidy my whole house, vacuum and mop the floors;

I could write a meal plan for a whole month and shop for it;

I could bake up a storm and cook up a bunch of meals to freeze;

I could hit up all of the op shops in town;

I could meet a friend for a movie and a meal;

I could get a good start on the photo books I’ve been wanting to print out;

I could build a LOT of Lego;

I could watch 7 episodes of Nashville;

I could get all my paperwork ready for the four weddings I have booked so far this year;

I could ring around and set up some meetings with builders about our renovations;

I could have another sleep.

Oh I could go on but this is just off the top of my head. Five hours may not seem like much but oh the things I could achieve!