Usually at this time of year I’m excited about Christmas. Usually my Christmas cards, which I usually start making in October, are completed and sent out. Usually I love reading our Christmas letter repeatedly, reminiscing over another great year. Usually I have a list of gift ideas for family and friends, many of which have been bought by now. Usually I have planned “too many” social gatherings that leave me happily exhausted at the end of each day.

Usually I’m not 33 weeks pregnant. Usually I’m not in between houses. Usually I’m not running around after my adorable 2 year old. Usually I’m not feeling like it’s all too much.

I’m feeling stuck between wanting to put myself and Chanbe and Hubs first, and keeping up with family and friendship commitments. I’m sick of small talk. I want some deep conversations with friends who know me too well.

Do you know what 3 of the most stressful life events are? Moving house (check); starting a new job (check); and having a baby (check).

I don’t want sympathy – that doesn’t really help. Many people have said they can’t imagine doing what we’re doing. But we have choices and we made these choices. Somehow it doesn’t make it easier.

So here it is: I’m taking this Christmas off. I will be participating in Christmas day activities, and fulfilling commitments I have already made, but there will be no Christmas card mailout this year, which I’m sad about, but if I do it, it has to be done properly otherwise there’s no point. Plus, I wrote our Christmas letter and it kind of depressed me. It hasn’t been a great year for us in many ways, (and one of our best in other ways!) so I’m ready to move on to bigger and better things.

So instead, I will be doing an early year mailout with a birth announcement (weeeeee!) and news of the year to come. I am finding blogging very therapeutic at the moment, so I thank you for letting me indulge in my feelings here, so I can hopefully get some perspective and notice all the wonderful things around me.

I’m already starting to look forward to Christmas a little bit…