I went shopping on my own on Monday afternoon. Hubs looked after Chanbe and I headed to the chemist and our local IGA (they had our favourite ice cream half price!! Woo!) I had to buy a box of nappies and I also bought a 48 roll pack of toilet paper. Not because we need it right now, but because it was on special (worked out to be 39c per roll! Bear in mind that people usually buy 8-12 rolls at a time.) My point is, I had some big stuff, and I only had a little basket. When the checkout chick said she would go and get a trolley for me, I said “no no that’s fine. I’ll be right.”
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? I’m sorry, am I trying to get the title of “martyr of the year??” Seriously? Who says no to that? After processing these thoughts, I said to her “actually, that’s a good idea. I’ll go grab one for myself.
Why is it so hard for me to accept help from strangers? What on earth am I trying to prove? It was the same when I went up to Brizzie with Chance. I had a 15kg pack on my back, the nappy bag on the stroller, and Chance in it. A few people offered to help me but I declined, justifying it in my head with “if I can’t do this on my own, I can’t do it.” Yet if I saw someone in my position, and I was able to help, I would.
And another thing. We live in a tiny 2 bedroom unit and I struggle to keep the place tidy for more than a few days at a time. I’ve been looking forward to being a stay at home mum for quite a while, and now that I’m here, I’m absolutely loving it, but have to admit that it’s hard work. I think because we have such a small place I should be able to keep it clean and tidy, but because it’s so small, we don’t have designated places to put things away, so more often than not, things just get moved around, and never really put away. I’m hoping this will be rectified once we move house.
About a month ago, Hubs mused to me that once he becomes a doctor and money is coming in, we’re going to hire a cleaner. (Actually, he used the word “maid” but I think he meant someone to generally help around the house.) I was secretly really offended by this at first. I thought “that’s my job!” But then I got to thinking – why should I spend all my time racing around like a crazy woman, being too busy to spend time with Chanbe and subsequent babies, when we are able to get some help.
The thing is, we have no family down here, and no one I can really call on regularly to help out. Even though the offers are there, I find it hard to ask for/accept help. My neighbour is always happy to look after Chance, and I trust her implicitly, but I just don’t like to ask too often. And Chance is sick at the moment, so I really don’t want him to spread his germs around, so we’re just hanging out at home. Our messy, looks-like-a-bomb-hit-it, you-can’t-walk-more-than-3-steps-without-running-into-furniture home.
And at the moment I’m not really looking for any help, but there’s such a mental difference between always knowing help is there if I need it, and, well, not. Chance is currently asleep (and snoring like a freight train) and I “should” be tidying up the house, but instead I’m going to chill out and enjoy some down time. We’re moving in less than 2 months anyway, so what’s the point? 🙂