Okay. So I’m not out of the ditch yet, but I’m finding a way. I’m looking up and seeing where I need to go, and figuring out how to get there, instead of sitting down, throwing my hands in the air and giving up. This is progress.

After my revelation on Friday, my day didn’t really change that much. It was nice to acknowledge where these feelings were coming from, but it didn’t really help with how to change my situation. I had a planned playground meet-up on Saturday morning, with a girl I met through playgroup not long after I arrived, and we clicked quite quickly. I was excited by these plans, and organised with Hubs that I would walk to the park (about 3.5km) and he could bring the kinds once I arrived. Getting in exercise has been difficult lately for a number of reasons, so I knew this was a good start to my weekend.

I spent almost 2 hours there with my friend and her 3 kids. Her daughter is 4 and is very strong-willed, so she can hold herself with Chance. In fact, the 2 of them played beautifully together. I hardly had to intervene which was so nice. Her 2 year old son was happy to follow the bigger kids around, and her 7 month old little boy was happy to chill out with us, while Quinn made her way around to all the food we had on offer. It was such a good visit. I really needed to see Chance’s good side that day, and boy did I ever see it. My friend is very honest and down to earth and I felt comfortable spilling my guts to her. It was nice to have a friendly ear to listen and empathise.

I came home at lunch time with renewed energy and got quite a lot of housework done before another friend came over for afternoon coffee. Again, it was such a great therapy for me to just be able to be myself and not try too hard. The kids were great and by the time my friend left around 4:30, I was again topped up. It’s so easy to play with Chanbe when I’m feeling that way. I hung out with him and Quinn out in the open area of the townhouse complex where he rode his bike and Quinn played with the ball and toddled around. Only twice in an hour did we have to stop for cars. It’s much nicer out there now that it has cooled down ever so slightly.

I went to bed happy and exhausted last night. It was one of the best days I’ve had in a while. Now that I know what my “problem/challenge” whatever you want to call it, is, I can be aware of it and not be so down on myself for being unmotivated or lazy.

I had hoped Friday would be a turning point, and now I’m getting a bit more optimistic that it was.