What an interesting beast. Two people meet, they lust after one another, they fall in love, they can’t imagine ever being angered or pissed off by this person, they get married and WHAM! Reality hits. And it bites.
Now obviously this scenario isn’t true for all couples. Obviously some couples piss each other off much earlier than that.
When Hubs and I got together I remember (and now cringe) genuinely looking at my friends who had been in long term relationships and who were now in that comfortable stage and thinking “I’m so glad we are different.” (Sorry guys!) But here’s the kicker. We’re not. Hubs pisses me off all the time and, I know it’s hard to believe, but I’m no picnic to live with either.
And I totally get why marriages don’t last. (Freudian slip there – I actually typed “laugh” instead of last! Oh boy…) Marriage is haaaaaaaaaard work and unless you are both 100% committed, you’ve got no chance. It’s impossible for both parties to be 100% committed all the time, at the same time as well so I guess there’s just always got to be some desire and commitment to stay together.
And it’s the little things isn’t it? The day to day stuff that, if you don’t accept, will drive you out the door.
Take right now for instance. There is something that Hubs is doing right now that should have already been done but he didn’t want to do earlier and now there is a deadline (9am tomorrow) that is has to be done by. But pointing this out to him adds absolutely no value to our marriage. He knows it. I know it. To say anything would be petty and piss him off. So instead, I’ve done all my evening jobs, poured him an ice cold cider (it’s a laboring job he’s doing for our ensuite) and am drowning out the noise of the compact drill with the sound of satisfaction for taking the high road. And Adele.
It’s something I’m working on – not pointing out his flaws. I used to do it a lot, thinking I was being helpful by suggesting ways he could be more organised or be more tidy. And it’s something he’s never really done to me. I’m hopelessly flawed but he doesn’t try to fix me. He delights in my quirks because they make me who I am.
So in the grand scheme of things, tonight’s quirk matters not. What matters is how we deal with it. And the best way? Every time? Hands down?
Is with kindness. Good old fashioned, sometimes over the top kindness. On that note I might go and see if he needs another cider.