When I imagine Frith in the afterlife, the word that comes to mind is clarity. Frith always had so many conflicting emotions that he was constantly trying to resolve. He would get so annoyed at himself that he couldn’t just “be happy” with what he had, and where he was at. He knew it was futile, but he was always trying to do things/buy things/move places to make him happy.

Deep down he knew that he had to find happiness in himself, and unfortunately he struggled with that. And I truly believe that he now has full understanding of his earthly feelings; everything has come to make sense to him now, and he must have a sense of relief at having this clarity wash over him. And I wonder if he’s up there, looking down at me and thinking “honey it’s okay. One day you’ll understand as well.”

At least that’s what I imagine the afterlife to be. I’d never thought much about it before now, other than “yeah there’s God and there’s heaven” and of course it has made me question so many things, and I feel like I’m in a constant state of pondering.

I guess I long for the answers that I believe Frith now has, but all I have is an endless list of questions.

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