Looking for something, but what?…

I feel like I’m looking for something. I’m not sure if I’ve lost it, or if I’ve never had it. I’m happy to be here in Mount Isa; the mums I’ve met through the playgroup and through friends (of friends of friends) have been extremely welcoming and kind. I haven’t had to try too hard to make friends which is nice. But there’s just something missing. My patience is lacking and I’m feeling restless; like this is only a half-way point to where I’m really going. Or something.

Little things are getting me down; I still haven’t finished unpacking/organising/settling in, even though Mum and Dad have been here over a week, so my parenting responsibilities have been drastically reduced; I still haven’t worked on launching my new blog, even though I’ve had the new domain name for 18 months; we are not as financially stable as we both thought we would be by now; and I haven’t made macarons since I got my “macaron making kit” for Christmas. (A lack of macarons just adds to the melancholy.)

Just lots of little things that are making me feel lost and uneasy.

Some positives: I joined the gym the day after we arrived, and have been at least 5 times a week for 3 weeks. It’s a GREAT gym – nice and small with friendly, personal service. The classes are good and the childcare is handy. I’m already feeling more energetic and much more motivated to eat well. I’m just making small, hopefully sustainable changes instead of having over the top, grand plans to “finally eat healthy and get fit.” I just want to live. I want this to be a part of my life without it being a fad. This is a positive thing.

Also, Chanbe has been adjusting really well. And Quinn took her first steps this week! So exciting!

I’ll keep searching for whatever it is I feel like I’m missing. Maybe one day I’ll even find it.

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