In the past I’ve read about people who have found themselves in my position. Mothers who have lost their husband/partner, whether it be suddenly, unexpectedly, after a long illness; it’s irrelevant. They have been left to raise the kids on their own* and manage life without their beloved.
My heart has ached for these women; I have been brought to tears thinking about how their babies would no longer have their Dadda around; and I have struggled to understand in any way how they must be feeling after losing the love of their life.
Now that I have found myself in that very circumstance, all I can tell you is that it feels nothing like I could have imagined. It’s unreal. And not in the denial sense of the word. Not in a way that I can’t accept it. Just in the way that I never could have imagined. It’s a whole new world for us and it feels so incredibly strange.
My heart still aches for my kids and my guts still feel ill a lot of the time. I feel so sad that my kids won’t have Frith around to teach them the million things he should have. I’m devastated that our “til death do us part” was only 10 years of marriage. I cry for the unfairness that we won’t get to go on the crazy adventures we planned. I feel for the interns and medical students and colleagues who respected Frith so deeply, and all that knowledge that won’t be taught by someone who was a born teacher. I feel sick at the thought of his parents losing a son; his siblings losing a brother, his friends losing a fantastic mate, and the world losing a damn splendid and unique human being.
I’ve had so many offers of help over the last 23 days, and it’s hard to think of things that people can “do” for me. But I’ve just thought of something. So here it is: Do something unique. Do something in a different way to everyone else. Do something outrageous. Do something unexpected. Do something kind. Teach someone something. Look up a crazy fact to bring up at your next dinner party. Download a full 20 minute episode of Adam Ruins Everything and tell me which one you watched (we’ve seen most of them). Then tell someone else about it. Buy something off Gumtree or at a garage sale or op shop instead of buying it new.
I’m not going to tell you cliches like “live every day like it’s your last” or ” you just never know when your life might change so appreciate every moment.” It’s unrealistic to live that way. But do something every week or month or year that’s just a bit different; see the world with Frith-coloured-lenses and try something new. He never did anything because “everybody else does it that way.” In fact he avoided doing what everyone else did. So branch out from the norm and let me know how you go.
One last thing. Listen to “Wake Me Up” by Avicii (sorry no link), listen to the words and think of Frith. He may not have been here for a long time but my goodness it was a good time.
Who needs an expensive baby carrier when a chesty Bonds will do? Just a suggestion 🙂
*I know I’m not even close to being “on my own” but in this context I mean as the sole parent.