Happy Birthday Darby

December 7, 2016 / Renae / Leave a comment

Life! Sometimes it’s just too amazing for words and other times, like this morning, there are no words. More about that later. So Darby turned 2 today. Hard to believe yes?

2 years ago:

And today:

What a kid. Seriously. This guy makes us laugh every day. And even though I’m convinced that he has hit the “terrific twos” overnight, we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Back to this morning. You know how you have those lovely serene mornings where everything runs smoothly and all is calm and you just win at parenting? I’m sure you can guess that this was not one of those mornings.

It started out well enough with exciting present opening

and then they all moved to the toyroom to check out the goodies together. Hubs and I had 10 minutes of peace which was just lovely and then it was time to get up. I let the kids help me decorate the cupcakes for kindy today and I think I made a mistake by letting them lick the beaters.

A bit of sugar in the morning is clearly all they need to send them batshit crazy.

There was wailing and gnashing of teeth and tears and fights and accusations. Give me strength! I mostly kept my cool until towards the end when I’d had enough. And of course I yelled at the kids to stop yelling at each other. Because that always works.

And just when things couldn’t get more exciting, as we were leaving I grabbed Quinn’s hat that was sitting innocently on the deck railing, only to discover a half finished glass of rum and coke underneath that I promptly pulled onto my dress. So now I smell particularly “Queenslandy” today cos there was no way I was going back inside to change!

I asked Hubs about it and he said he didn’t put the hat over it yesterday but he didn’t wonder where it had gotten to!

I’d say it was the work of the noodle.

Just look at the grin.

Anyway all’s well that ends well . Darby is at kindy for a few hours so I can get a few things done, the first of which was to blog and have a coffee in peace.

Done and done.

Happy birthday Darby-doo. You are such a treasure and I wonder what we ever did without you in our lives.

My Chance

November 26, 2016 / Renae / Leave a comment

Parenting is a hard slog, isn’t it? You try your hardest every day (well, most days) to teach your kids how to be nice human beings; to be kind, compassionate, caring. Or you know, just to not be horrible to other human beings.

You can often go days or weeks without seeing any evidence of your hard work, and then one day, you realise you’re doing an okay job, and you know all the frustration and effort is worth it.

We had a little party with Chance’s prep friends at the local playground after school yesterday which was just lovely. They kids had a great time running around and stuffing their faces with party food. Including the world’s easiest cake to decorate:

Chance was trying to light the candles, and keep them lit and I noticed he was a bit distracted. “Where’s Ashleigh?” he said “I can’t see her.” And with that, he jumped up and ran back to the playground to look for one of his friends whom he noticed was missing, so she wouldn’t miss out on the cake cutting. I just thought that was the sweetest thing. There were over 20 people around him, including parents, yet he noticed one person missing, and he didn’t want her to miss out.

He is learning.

As the party was winding down, I had shown Chance earlier where the party bags were so he could make sure we remembered to give them out, as I often forget (and I know I’m not the only one!) He made sure everyone received their loot, and when everyone had left, there were a few leftover, so he asked me if he could give them out to other kids in the playground.

He is learning.

Once we got home, Chance was going through all of his presents (people are so generous!) and he came across the three pull-back cars he had been given. He was excited about this, as he told me he could give one to Quinny and one to Darby, so he wasn’t the only person receiving presents on his birthday.

He is learning.

After our big long day, he was having a bath, and just before he was going to get out, I asked if I could put my feet in the bath with him to give them a bit of a soak. He asked if I could put my feet on tippy-toes and when I asked why, he said “so I can wash your feet for you, Mama.” Oh my heart. My initial response was “that’s okay sweetheart. I can wash them myself” but he said he really wanted to and I wondered why I would ever refuse such an offer. So I gave him the soap and scrubber and he gently washed my feet for me. My sore, tired, grubby, worn-out feet that have seen better days.

He is teaching.

I think I can put that up there with one of the sweetest moments between us in my life. It filled me with such joy and humility, and reminded me to sometimes let other people take care of me.

My little boy is growing up.

When love came to town

March 2, 2016 / Renae / Leave a comment

Hubs and I have lived in many cities and towns together. Starting off in Brisbane, where we met, fell in love and got married, we then headed south to Melbourne. Then came Wangaratta, Mount Beauty, back to Wang, then north to Townsville, Ingham and Mount Isa, and finally Rockhampton.

Looking at this list now, I can tell you that into our lives have come kindred spirits, unexpected connections, small-world coincidences, and four top-class Godparents. We are blessed, we are grateful and I like to think we do not take these blessings for granted.

So when an opportunity comes along to see one or more of these fine people (like on our recent trip to Melbourne) we grab it with both hands.

Enter The Godfather.

We struck up a friendship with Felix in Mount Isa very early on through a friend of a friend (I think!?) I still remember the first time I met him – it was at the races, and I had no idea that this was the beginning of a very special friendship.

One thing that really draws us to people is when they are interested in doing things spontaneously and we found ourselves going 4WDriving with an hour’s notice and it was great. Then there were the Saturday morning garage sale ventures where Hubs and Felix would go and “look at some stuff” with the kids on a Saturday morning while I had a sleep in. This would be followed by brunch and maybe even plans for Sunday would be made. And of course the kids grew to love uncle Felix.

So when Darby-doo came along, it was not a hard choice or Godparents. We had already become friends with Sonia in Townsville and had all moved out to the Isa together. We were a strong support for each other, especially in this early weeks and months, and when we found out we would be in Rockhampton together I almost burst with excitement.

So en route to his new soon-to-be home town of Orange, Felix decided to pop in and stay for a couple of nights. It was so nice having him around to play with the kids, and they fell in love with him all over again. And I just loved having one of our little crews back together, albeit only for a moment.

Honestly I’m just feeling so grateful right now for all the incredible people in our lives.

Holding an ice-cream-eating toddler while wearing a white shirt? Now that’s love. (And Napi-San a couple of hours later…)

Offering and being excited to come to playgroup, AND getting crafty with the kids.

Getting the Godparents back together in the same town again!

Coming to watch Chance get his special prep award.

Reading at storytime (so I don’t have to.)

Buying a completely adorable outfit at an op shop.

For these reasons and so many more, it has been a simply marvellous couple of days around here. I look forward to the next reunion!

1000 words

February 11, 2016 / Renae / 1 Comment

Back to where it all began.

We’ve been in Melbourne for less than 48 hours and it feels like we never left. How is that possible? Since leaving the city almost six years ago, we have moved house seven times and had three kids. That’s a lot of life changes by anyone’s standards.

Maybe I just want to feel like I never left. This is a week of freedom for Hubs and I; to live it up and do whatever we please. We’ve been reminiscing like crazy and going to all our favourite places. Just like old times.

Moving to Melbourne was a real turning point in my life, and so much has happened because of that decision to move. Hubs broached the subject of him wanting to study down here when we first got together and I’m pretty sure my thoughts were “noooooooo! I don’t want to leave Brisbane! Nanny will be devastated!” Outwardly I would have been much cooler I’m sure.

Five months later, in May 2007, we took a trip down here “just to check it out”. Oh and Frith had his interview with Melbourne uni. After spending some time in the city, and meeting his gorgeous family down here, I was sold. I was also thinking a certain question might be popped during our visit, but he had other plans for that the following month.

A bit over a year later, at the end of a long, cold, amazingly fun trip down in the kombi, we arrived as husband and wife. And a few days later I started this blog. All of our highs and lows and in-betweens have been documented here. I never thought I would keep it up for so long but blogging is just a part of my life now. I had talked about starting a blog for months, but it wasn’t until we moved that I actually felt the urge to begin.

Melbourne changed me, and for the better I believe. It was time for me to get out on my own, with my new husband; my new family, by my side. We were a unit the two if us; in love, invincible; and in Melbourne.

The first six months were hard. I went from having social engagements every night in Brisbane, to no friends and nothing to do in Melbourne. Frith made friends easily through medicine, and while they knocked off at midday on a Friday and headed to the pub, I was working full time to support us. Resentment crept in. Jealousy tapped me on the shoulder. Feelings I never thought possible towards my shiny new, perfect husband surfaced.

For the most part I ignored those feelings; pushed them deep down and put on a smiling face. But a few too many wines would bring it all bubbling to the surface and everything would come pouring out. Once the booze wore off, and we were able to communicate like adults, Hubs would make me spill my guts. Everything. All my insecurities, my suspicions were all heard out and all reassured. We were still new at this thing called marriage. We had to work out our own path and figure out what worked for us.

Reality had set in and not all was perfect. But that’s what marriage is all about. Being perfect for each other, and doing the very best you can. Being your own person and not trying to be someone you’re not, just to please your spouse. I was trying to be everything Hubs wanted me to be, when all I had to do was to be myself. That’s who he fell in love with. The cat was well and truly out of the bag before we got married – he knew I wasn’t perfect and he loved me for it.

I just had to learn to love myself a little more. I had to figure out who I was without my family and friends around to define me. This took some time, and it turns out I’m still a work in progress. But I’ve learnt to love the process and the journey, and not just try and skip to the end result.

So as I walk around Melbourne now, dropping in on familiar places that feel like old friends, I remember Renae from 2008 and I reassure her that things are working out pretty well. I tell her that she and Hubs will never stop disagreeing on things, but that we always sort things out and get stronger. I tell her that even though she has to move around a lot, the adventures that follow make it worthwhile. I tell her to enjoy her sleep-ins and hot coffees, because once the kids come, they are the first things to go.

I tell her about the friends she will meet and the people who she will stay in touch with; it will surprise her who makes the effort to keep in contact. I tell her that she might want to stop at three children and not have four or five like they always talk about, but I know she’ll never believe me. I tell her how Hubs is a wonderful father but she already knows that.

I tell her that Nanny will never get to meet her great-granddaughter and that will upset her. A lot. Especially when her middle name is Maria, and she reminds her of Nanny everyday.

I tell her not to worry so much about what is to come; to trust Hubs more, as he always comes through with the goods. I remind her to tell Hubs everyday how much he is loved. He puts on a tough exterior, but, just like her, he needs to know.

So as I sit here staring at the bottom of another cup of coffee, waiting for Hubs to finish his GSSE, and wondering where life will take us next, I am grateful that we started our journey here in this beautiful city, full of incredible people and memories.

We’ll always have Melbourne.

Things people say

January 23, 2016 / Renae / Leave a comment

I had four encounters with four different people the other day that all had an impact on me. It’s amazing how just one line from someone can change your mood in an instant, sometimes for the better and sometimes not.

“We’ll get there dear”

Hubs said this to me in the middle of a bit of a panic attack. I couldn’t quite shake the stress of having to get renovations started on the house. I was stressing about money, about not having enough time for everything, and about getting Chanbe organised for prep next week. He gave me his full attention, listened patiently, and assured me that everything would be fine. And I believe him.

“You look more relaxed than when I saw you before Christmas”

A friend said this to me when we caught up for coffee. This was not too long after my little chat with Hubs. Amazing how I didn’t really know I was stressed until I wasn’t.

“No, I want to keep Darby”

Hubs keeps hinting at us having another baby. Our baby rocker was sitting in the middle of the media room and Hubs said we should give it away or have another baby. He asked Quinny “would you like another baby brother or sister?” And that was her response. Hubs and I couldn’t stop laughing. We had to explain that we would be keeping Darby as well.

“Aah another organised mum”

I went to pick out Chance’s prep booklist while I was out and about, and being new to all this, I had no idea what to do. I turned up to the education resource centre that I was directed to, but I had left the booklist at home. I had Chance and Darby with me and was a bit distracted when it was my turn in line. I said something along the lines of “prep, The Hall state school booklist”. I was greeted with a blank stare and a “yes?” I apologised and explained what I needed but that I’d left the list on the fridge at home. “Another organised mum.” I did not appreciate the comment. But I also didn’t care. She knows nothing about my life and I know I’m doing my best.

It certainly reminds me how words can have a huge impact on someone’s day and I will certainly try to keep in mind these three things before I speak: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

A glimpse

May 21, 2015 / Renae / 2 Comments

Do you ever catch a quick look at yourself in the mirror and see something you didn’t expect to see?

That happened to me last Thursday. You know, the cheesecake day? After spending the majority of the afternoon kicking myself for eating too much cake, my self esteem and body image were taking a bit of a battering. I was faffing around in the bathroom when I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror. It actually made me stop and smile.

My sunnies were holding my hair back which made it nice and spiky out the sides; I had been bothered with a bit of foundation and mascara that morning, which were both still present; and I just didn’t look as tired and worn out as I was certainly feeling at the time.

I had to go grab my phone (and move to better lighting) and take a photo for the sake of my self esteem.

Okay, so I took a few photos 🙂

I gave myself a metaphorical pat on the back for looking at myself and seeing the good stuff. Far too often I am critical of my appearance and dwell on things, when I could be spending that brain space and emotional energy on more meaningful things instead. Like loving myself, and telling myself that I’m doing a pretty damn good job at this thing called life.

“Once I lose weight I will…” blah blah blah…

December 2, 2014 / Renae / 2 Comments

I was chatting with a good friend of mine while I was in Brisbane about blogging and stuff. She is an avid reader and always gets cranky when I don’t post often enough 🙂 I said that I had a bunch of posts that I’d started and never published and she said I should go back to them and finish them off! So that’s what today’s post is. The following was written in September 2013:

This phrase has been with me a long time.

Once I lose weight I will:
– spend money on nicer clothes that fit me well and look great
– take up tap dancing again (it’s been 20 years since I last tapped…)
– do a 10km fun run
– keep the weight off and magically never be emotionally attached to food again
– go on the swings and playground equipment with Chanbe without fear of it breaking (I never said I was rational!)
– not poke my tongue out whenever I look in the mirror (my daily positive thought is helping with this though)
– be happy

So the way I see it, I have 2 choices. Lose weight and do these things, or don’t lose weight and do these things. That’s the only way I’m going to be happy in my own skin. To do all these things (and there are so many more) now. Just as I am.

Cos I’m pretty all right.

I actually remember writing this post, and I’m not sure why it never made it to the published stage. Maybe I was waiting to lose weight so I could publish it as an afterthought.

I’ve also had another post floating around in my head recently that I titled “Bigger than my body.” While waiting for my obstetrician appointment this morning, I wrote down the crux of it, and will write it in full later on tonight, as it is a bit of a continuation on this theme, but not.

You’ll see what I mean soon!

(Update: the baby is still nice and snug in my uterus. It’s happy and I’m happy, so my doctor is happy for me to continue along, and hope that I go into labour all by myself, to avoid being induced. Fingers crossed!!)

Freestyler

October 23, 2014 / Renae / 1 Comment

On Tuesday night, I met up with my dear friend at Freestyle. It’s a bit of a tradition with us – whenever I’m in town, we try and catch up for dessert, and since Freestyle is kind of in the middle of us both, we often end up there. We tried out a couple of other places this year, but decided on the old favourite this time around. The last time we went, which was a little while ago, I was a little disappointed in my order. There was nothing that really jumped out at me, and when I did order, I wasn’t that excited.

I had decided even before I left home, that the “old favourite” chocolate brownie was the way to go. Don’t try anything weird or fancy if I just want a good dessert. When I arrived though, I got excited as they had a specials menu, and there were 3 things on it that got my motor running. Plus, there was a note to say they had reduced the serving sizes (and prices) to make them more suitable for 1 person. This is actually quite sensible, because most times I end up leaving feeling full and slightly uncomfortable!

Anyway, this post wasn’t supposed to be about my dessert addiction. I arrived about 15 minutes early, and instead of getting my phone out, I decided just to sit and watch and listen. The place was quite full inside, and I had a seat right on the edge, so I could see pretty much everyone in the place.

The couple to my left seemed to be in their early to mid 30s, and were perhaps on a first date. The information they were exchanging lead me to believe that. I overheard that the man was born and raised in Wangaratta, and it took all of my willpower not to interrupt and say how much I love Wang and how much I’d love to live there again one day. Their meals came out, and I noticed the woman had ordered the burger. Rookie mistake, I thought. But when some of the filling dropped onto her shirt, he offered her his napkin and they had a laugh. It was quite sweet.

The couple at the table in front of me were in their (very) early 20s and also seemed as though they were in the early days of dating, The conversation didn’t flow as well, and the topics they were discussing were a little bit odd (e.g. the war in Iraq??). He also checked his phone under the table intermittently, and she looked slightly bored.

The family to my right were German. The mother and father were both very attractive and probably in their early 40s, with the 2 handsome boys probably around 14 and 12. They spoke in both German and perfect English to each other, and as I found out later, were there to celebrate the younger son’s birthday. Their manners were lovely and the family obviously enjoyed each other’s company. Watching them, I started forming another blog post in my head, but I’ll save that for another day.

Just behind the 30-somethings on their first date, there was another family of 4, this time with 2 girls that I guessed were maybe 12 and 9. The eldest girl and the father sat next to each other, and were engaged in friendly banter, with tickling and trying to tap each other on the head without the other realising. It was incredibly sweet to watch. They were also there celebrating the youngest child’s birthday.

Throughout this whole time of people-watching, I must have made eye contact with the waitress half a dozen times. It was slightly awkward towards the end, but I didn’t avoid her. I guess I was just trying to be present. There were other people that I noticed in this time as well, and I appreciated that fact that I got to be a part of their evening in a private kind of way.

My friend arrived and not long after, we ordered. I asked for the first thing on the menu which I couldn’t go past – layered chocolate and mint mousse covered in ganache and served with vanilla bean ice cream. Even the small portion was too much and I left a bit on the plate, but it was absolutely divine. Very rich but also light, and devilishly decadent. I refrained from taking a photo, because everyone does that, and you know how I don’t like to be the same as everyone else.

After almost 2 hours of catching up, I left feeling very content and knowing that I was part of something bigger; I wasn’t just wrapped up in my own little world of 2 kids, pregnancy pains and a big few weeks to come with diminished energy levels. I had experienced an insight into other people’s worlds, and it was nice. I need to remember to put my phone down more often.

A 3 point turn

July 18, 2013 / Renae / 2 Comments

Life has been weird lately. I’ve been getting cranky for no reason, been in crazy moods (up and down) and getting frustrated over things that shouldn’t be consuming so much of my energy.

But yesterday, I had a bit of a breakthrough. 3, in fact.

1. Chanbe’s toilet training has been hard work. I never thought I’d have a 2.5+ year old in nappies. Not that I thought there was anything wrong with that, I had just decided that he would be toilet trained by 2. Because that would be convenient. For me. But he just wasn’t interested. And I know I know – the more I push it, the more frustrated everyone gets. So I’ve been really trying to just let it progress at his pace. And finally, we are having breakthroughs.

What I know to be true: Chanbe will not be wearing nappies forever.

2. My running has been going pretty well, but yesterday I pushed myself and actually ran for probably half of my 4.4km run at different intervals. It felt amazing to actually be covering some serious ground at a good pace. I felt like I was running, not just shuffling along.

What I know to be true: I will be running the Townsville fun run and Bridge to Brisbane and it will feel amazing when I push myself to run as fast as I can across that damn finish line!!

3. Lately I’ve been having a self-diagnosed existential crisis. Ever had one? Yes? How much does it suck?? No?? It sucks. A lot. I’ve been trying to work through it on my own and with Hubs, and after going on strike last week, not doing any housework (because what’s the point?) I decided to get some help. I had an amazing appointment yesterday with the counsellor I’ve been seeing this year (she really helped me earlier in the year when we had so much adjusting to do) and I left feeling a certain clarity that I haven’t felt in a long time.

What I know to be true: I’ve been functioning at an insanely stressful level these past few months (18 months??) and finally life is a bit more stable and predictable. And that’s okay. I need to breathe, enjoy it, and slow the hell down.

Life is good. Our kids are amazing. Hubs is beautiful. Holidays are a-coming. I choose to enjoy it.

Dear Me

December 28, 2012 / Renae / Leave a comment

Dear Blogger,
I’ve missed you. I’ve been wanting to share so much with the blogging world, but due to lack of internet (other than on my mobile which is, let’s face it, super annoying for anything other than a quick post) I have been unable to share my world with you. This will be ongoing for probably a few more weeks, but knowing Hubs, internet connection will be amongst the top priorities once we move.

Dear Baloo,
You remind me almost every minute (okay, at least every hour) of your presence with your kicks and tumbles in my tummy. I can’t tell you how excited I am about meeting you, but don’t be in a hurry to arrive, little one. We have a lovely home to prepare for you and our little family and we can’t wait to give you “outside cuddles”. You are already loved by so many people, and your big brother Chanbe promises to be gentle with you. There is so much I want to know about you, and I truly can’t wait to look into your eyes. I’ll see you soon.

Dear Chanbe,
My sweet, superstar son. You are an angel and have been so well adjusted in these crazy few weeks. You want such simple things (walk on beach? Fruit?) and have slept through almost every night, even though your routine has been out of wack. There is so much more change to come, but I know you will handle it well. Your resilience makes me a better mama, and I can’t wait to see you and Baloo together.

Dear Brisbane,
You have been preparing me for the heat in Townsville. It has been a tough month of heat and humidity, but I do love you and I wonder if we will live here again some time soon. Only time will tell.

Dear Townsville,
Be kind to me when we arrive please. I will be big and you will be hot. Some summer storms will be much appreciated to cool things down and green things up. See what you can do?

Dear Me,
You’re almost there, Wifey. You keep saying to yourself “once we are all together in Townsville, I can relax.” That will be a reality in a matter of days. This past year has tested you in so many ways, but you have gotten through it with the love and support of family and friends. The last month in particular has thrown some extra curvy balls, but you have hit them back and made a few home runs as a bonus. You rock. Be kind to yourself and your family in the weeks and months to come. There will be time for adjusting and settling in, and as always, you will make it out the other side, stronger than ever.

Dear Hubs,
You are a saint. I love you.

Dear kombi,
Start. For the love of all human kind, please start.