There’s a common belief going round about how, if you think you’re a crap mum, you’re actually not because the fact that you feel overwhelming guilt about being impatient with your 6-year-old, or feeling terrible about yelling at your 4-year-old, or getting so upset when your 2-year-old throws something ELSE off the deck, means you care. It means you want to do better. It means you will try harder the next day. It means you will read your kids their bed time stories even though your tank is empty and you still have to clean the kitchen and make the next day’s lunches. And it means you’ll tuck them in to bed with huge cuddles and unlimited kisses and your heart will burst and you will vow to try harder tomorrow.
There are some moments where I honestly feel like the worst mum in the world but I know that these moments pass and my kids are very forgiving and they teach me so much every day and I do vow to try harder every day.
I’m scared to admit that I’m struggling at the moment. School pick up is particularly hard when I have to take Darby. He’s a runner, but up until today I had it all under control. Today he decided that my threats of leaving and statements of “okay bye Darby” were empty. He called my bluff and didn’t stop running down the hill. I could feel the tears coming as I tried to run after him, with my heavy belly and weak bladder, and I’m so glad that the car park he ran into was quiet, and that it was a dead end.
Back in the safety of my car, after carrying him back up the hill, the tears flowed freely. It’s a daily occurrence at the moment. I call it my daily cry and it just seems to be a part of this pregnancy’s third trimester. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I also know that I will find a way.
As my dear friend reminded me today, only 11 more pick-ups to go before I get a break for two weeks. And in that time I will definitely be putting some plans in place to help with pick-ups in term two.
This blog post was supposed to be a short one about lunch boxes. Sometimes all I need to do is make the lunches and I feel a bit better. Like I’m slightly on top of things, even if it’s fleeting. I guess lunch boxes can really bring out the stuff that’s bubbling under the surface?
Who’da thunk it?